Late Edition

I have to say this upfront and on the onset: It’s quite amazing that on Tuesday mornings, there are a record number of people who log onto ChemicalShooter for an update *lol* Come on people – seriously? Seriously!

Anyways, sorry to have disappointed all who came on bright and early, expecting a late night posting – still ain’t got no computer at home and didn’t feel up to walking to the cybercafé at 2 a.m. Besides, it’s a bit of a slow day so it’s taken a long while to get thoughts going.

It’s not particular good news – the fact that am slowly getting out of it ~ being there on top of my game. Yes – hard to believe cos it’s only been 2 weeks since my brain has been severely taxed and whacked. But yes – signs of slowing down are coming thru. So.Not.Good! Took me 2 bloody hours to draft an email to my counterpart and even that, it so very nearly became a professional disaster.

So, it’s been a week in this new job and I think I am starting to break my boss in – she’s starting to give me some leeway to move and do some of the stuff. Or could it be like my ex-boss used to say – give a person enough rope and they’ll hang themselves? *Hmmmm* Ah – let’s not complain – it is after all work.

Just had lunch with Mandy at KLCC – at the Spot of Serenity *lol* Gosh – it has been a long while since I had an SS, haven’t I? And to think it used to be a daily ritual! It was good – the pasta salad and her burger. Now if only someone, at some point in time, would stop and tell us why they actually stare at us when they walk on by, each time we lunch there?! I mean, what’s there to gawk at?

I suppose it goes to show that society is not one that is readily unflustered by the un-common cos there is always some form of reaction that is highly visible and sometime audible too! Get involve in some kind of highway-auto-sodomy or spooning and everyone’s ready with their camera phones to video it all. Leave the windows open on a rowdy night and the playground loiters would think it’s a PodCast that they can log on to, throwing in the cheering, clapping and hooting as if it was LinkinPark on show.

Oh well – such is the world that we live in right now. Guess we’ll just have to live with it eh?

Happy Tuesday y’all!

Author's Note:
Yes, it is intentional that this Tuesday post is one without the use of a particular day of the week. One's gotta do what one's gotta do, just to keep the brain working and looking sharp!

Unexpected Twists of Thoughts

Another weekend has come and gone - time sure does fly cos we're already into Week 2 of July. In a past life, I would be right now pissing in my pants, trying to figure out if I have cleared my Goals and Objectives for last quarter, and racking my brains on what next to focus on for the next 3 months. In a past life.

When the door of happiness closes, another opens,
But often times we look so long at the closed door
That we don’t see the one which has been opened for us

It was a very good weekend tho, despite the fact that at the back of my head, I had the nagging thought of "Oh God! What am I gonna do this week at the office?!"

Went for the Luke's 1st Sports Day. A bit chaotic and poorly organised. Plus it was on the other side of the world (Bukit Jalil) and at the ungodly hour of 8 a.m. on a Saturday morning. Nonetheless, as I watched Luke come out in the general march pass, and his constant searching of the stands for Lydia and I, giving up another 2 hours of sleep was well worth it. Especially when his face lit up upon finding us among the hundreds of faces.

Had a wonderful dinner with Pups and Nat - their treat! There's something to be said about free food - it's always good *lol* But nah.. it wasn't so much the free food but the fact that 3 unrelated adults could come together once in a way, over their mutual bond of 2 rugrats.

Spoke at length with a dear old friend on Saturday evening on the phone. It's amazing how over 30 minutes, gaps of time spanning slightly over a decade closes. It's not really the same but hey - what was once lost, is now somewhat found and we shouldn't really complain about stuff like that, right? I mean, sometimes, somethings once lost, stays lost. It is still somewhat surreal to me tho and I guess I have to shift the cards with his name on them and give it a big update.

Sat with GarlicBoy at the mamak downstairs of his apartment last night for hours, just chatting about this and that - like old times, good times. Before I knew it, it was already past midnight and we trod on home. And there I was yesterday afternoon, wondering what I could do with myself after I sent the kids on back to my folks'. But more importantly, I wouldn't be able to write about this if I hadn't picked up the phone and rung GarlicBoy in the first instance.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past,
You can’t go on well in life
Until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

So yeah, this weekend had me stepping out of some of my boundaries which I seemed to have created for myself. Some of them were easy to cross and erase, some - took a lil bit more conscious thought and effort on my part.

And this would include actually having a 3-hour text conversation with Monday, which is 2 hours and 55 minutes longer than I normally do. Plus, it taking place on a non-Monday, to boot! Now, this is a real first from this person who does not call or text unless it is in reply. And if I were in Monday's shoes, I would be scratching my head in puzzlement over this slight turn of behaviour on my part.

Anyways, that week is now officially over as I sit at my desk this Monday morning.

And as I scribble bits of pieces of information for work, I cannot help but recall Pup's reply in recent months when I ask if he is happy. It was never a 'yes' or 'no' answer but instead, he would tell me he was 'contented'. And with this email I got this morning, I guess I know what Pups was saying...

Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want;
Tis the realization of how much you already have.

So in short, I really shouldn't be whinging about how I don't really have anything to do at work, or how I only get 1 day a week cos that would be aiming for "happy". I guess life would be quite alright if I gunned to be contented.

Happy trails now!

Thick-Headed

pro·cras·ti·nate ~ verb

1. To defer action; delay
2. To put off till another day or time

I'm a think-headed dufus who should be quartered and hung out to dry. There is no value in proscratination. It is not money - it will not grow.

I shall procrastinate no longer.

In Flames

Just had dinner with Mandy and another friend. I am beginning to seriously think that for some strange reason, God intends to make the mark of the town of Ipoh in my life, some way, somehow ~ everywhere I go, I am surrounded by Ipoh boys! Anyways, it was the collective thought over dinner that my life was full of excitement, colourful even. And all we spoke about were children and religion.

My life is not full of excitement - did you stop for a moment to think that maybe instead, I am an entertaining recounter of tales and experiences? My life is not colourful - if it were, I wouldn't be sitting here writing a blog post and not out somewhere. I know, being out all the time doesn't an event maketh nor excitement incite. But truth be told, being anywhere other than in my lil pigeon hole (on any other day except that one day of the week) is better.

We were one in words
You finished my sentence

Where am I going with all this? Bear with me - there is a whole point to this diversion in my journey home tonight. My head is, has been, overflowing with maggots and it's gotta go somewhere. And while I think I have done everything within my own personal capacity to prevent reaching this point, I have very obviously failed disastrously.

I can never attract tomorrow
It pushes me aside

Had a chat with my Bear online today. Told him that Mondays have got to come to an end soon. For the simple reason that if it didn't, I would likely end up throwing myself over the balcony at some point in the very near future. Bear thinks I should just sit tight and enjoy the ride cos he (and for that matter, most of my friends) think Mondays are good for me - that at least I have one day in the week that I am happy.

I sink in waters deep
Your presence kept me floating
Far from depths where secrets lie

But here's the thing - one day in the week is no longer sufficient. I find it ridiculous to accumulate the whole week's happenings and recount like at one go, as if it is some weekly report both ways. It is ridiculous that someone who can make me smile more radiantly than anyone else has been able to do in a long time, is not the same someone I pick up the phone to call when something good or bad happens to me.

Maybe in another lifetime
I could be the first you meet

There is NO forward to move on to. Come on - who are we kidding here? Game rules are set up for a reason, and that is to ensure that the players know what is a right move, and what is a wrong move. And you don't change the rules mid-way thru the game. Sure, rules change - petrol prices go up. But this ain't a bloody economic game. I can't draw boxes and work out the theories accordingly, even though one of us is a bloody economist.

I once read a poem
Held my breath
But that moment's gone

Life may not be complicated and it is very true that it is WE who make it complicated. But then again, you don't have a life like mine and this is NOT the movie The Holiday. If Pups couldn't do it then... if you Bear couldn't do it yourself as well... why should I even hope that Monday can?

First time I felt life somewhat hurts
I need an option, a reason and some hope

Bear thinks I'm always such an extremist in actions. And yes, I know what I am risking ~ been there, done that, sat and watched that face with the thought "Can I live without seeing this face, hearing this voice and seeing this smile?" week after week. And it is precisely because each week, the answer is a resounding "NO" that Mondays must come to an end.

Yell at me
I want to be your light that shines
But my ground is shaking and I might fall

But not right now... give me just one more week... just one more month... Give my head just a bit more time to get use to the idea (God help me figure out how I am gonna do that one!)... Lemme make one great proper dinner to celebrate his birthday just this once... Then I'll do it.

I wish that I could say...

I'd likely throw myself off the balcony in any event cos regardless of what has been said... Bear - I suppose if I am truly honest with myself, the answer to your first question would be YES. But then again, we all know that it's a 4-letter word that exists only in pain.

I wish that I could be your evil in a closet

I am the evil in the closet... And that only happens in Narnia or any other fairytale that you can name.

Evil in my closet
In Flames

What a Party!

It was glitzy, snazzy and there was a champagne fountain. I was led to the room's closet and told that I could wear anything in there that i wanted! And that I had half an hour to get ready as all the other guests had already arrived and the party was under-way. To speed things up, the butler (who looked curiously like the butler from Different Strokes) thought I should tell him what my poison was, so it could be ready when I went down.

Apparently Bear decided to splurge out - and splurge out he did, judging by the people in the room (none of whom I recognised except from American TV) and all the great foodie and drinks that were going around. *Wowzers* seriously!

I must say, I didn't know what the occassion was, but hey - a party is a party is a party and I was having a blast of a time! That was UNTIL James' Sit Down drifted thru the sound system and it dawned on me... Hot damn! It was only a dream!

*Sigh* Nonetheless, thanks for "inviting" me Bear to what I think was your 50th birthday bash :o)

More of that please...

*Yawn* and *Stretch* .. Wowzers! It's already 10 past 5! Time sure does flies when you're watching your fingernails grow *grin*

So Day 2 has come and gone and it's much and more of the same. Except that I did learn some stuff today (like how much marketing money I have to spend in a year) and am now subsribed to the online version of the Irish Independent! Oh and yeah - I should start keeping track of the bloody Euro (as in currency and not football) as well, since it'll affect the decision-to-enroll outcome.

*Sigh* Going from reading recipes to this? ....

Life sure has changed!

It Was a GOOD Day

And so, there I was, lounging on my couch, not having moved since I got home at 7 this evening, thinking to myself - there must be something better for me to do this evening - other than what I've been doing the whole day. So up I went, showered off, got dressed, laced up my shoes and took a stroll over to the neighbourhood cybercafe to lodge my thoughts of the day.

~**~

My Tuesdays are always a high day - well, no prizes for guessing that it's cos it's the day following Monday. And rightfully so, Monday was, to quote another - One word... Awesome! I'm gonna curb myself from entertaining the thought - when it all this 'awesome-ness' gonna come to an end cos I truly do not have a rightful reason to think so.

Having said that (and this is to clarify all thoughts of the readers), it's not exactly going anywhere as well. Or is it? Once in a while (which isn't very often cos there's only 1 Monday out of every week), he tends to surprise me with his intensity; of telling me what's been going on with him and well, we shall leave the other bit to your hyper-active imagination. And yesterday was one of them occassion, bordering to the point of "possession".

Health Warning:

Don't ask! Truly - don't! These are areas which can only be explored verbally when sitting under a huge tree along Jalan Alor - one big enough for you to run and climb up to squirmishly and sheepishly! And we're gonna do that someday soon cos I so do need a guy's perspective on the whole possession thingy!

So, in a summary of not so many words, it is in a way going somewhere. Just that destination remains unknown and unaddressed. While there maybe a rising need to, I'm gonna do what Barbsie does best - sweep it under the carpet and leave it be. Let it grow dust bunnies! Afterall, we all love em bunnies, especially when they do that bunny-thing that they do *wink*

~**~

I started my new job today. Never have I had so many people text me to wish me a good day. Thanks you guys - bunches loads! But it has been a bit of a mixed up day.

I can't write it off and say it was a bad day just cos I could sit and watch my fingernails grow - not something you thought you'd be doing, especially not when you've spent the last 6 days doing that!

When one moves from one job to another, they always anticipate bigger, better things / tasks awaiting to be accomplished. I mean, I have been looking forward to starting this new job, anticipating a whole load of things having waited 3 months for me to come on board and get done. NOT having been given any particular assignments was not what I had anticipated, expected.

But in keeping with the Tuesday Bright-and-Shiny theme, we're going to go with the good bit of me managing on my own for a full 1st half of the day, going thru stuff, figuring things out for myself until my boss came in at noon. And as Mumsy rightly stated just now when we spoke on the phone - God knew I needed a break, professionally and this is His way of doing it.

~**~

Had lunch with Mandy at the Galleria. 1) She didn't drive and so I had to do the driving, and the parking finding, and 2) the old menu is back.

It was good to be back there after a week - I don't think I've ever seen any of my boys give me a bigger smile than they did today. And it was from the heart - I know, I felt it. *Grin* They missed me, shit-and-buckets loads! And hell, I missed them too! As I told the Bear - even walking down the stairs to the restaurant felt like going home.

Leaving wasn't easy, especially when I see the hive of activity going on, knowing that I could be in the thick of the action. Especially when I knew the office I was going back to was so quiet, I daren't type a word in case the glass windows get a shock and break! But nonetheless, that chapter is over and done with.

~**~

If I had to rate today, on its own, and not as the day-following-Monday, I would have to say it's warrants a rating of at least 7 1/2, despite a 2 hour meeting with my new boss that didn't give me much more insight into what is expected of me and getting use to nothaving freshly brewed coffee! Cos I realised something - a boss doesn't wait for assignments to be handed out. And so, if I am going to be that someday, I've gotta start creating my own assignments and THAT was what I did and would be doing for the few days to come.

So yeah - all them wishes from Monday, Bear and everybody else did come true today - I did have a good day.. and in a small way, I did have fun to.

You guys have a good day yourselves now tomorrow!

Author's Note:

You have to excuse this extremely long post for today / tonight. I have, afterall, been badly deprived of conversation and the need to type endlessly and at a speed that scares everyone else. I promise it'll all be contained really soon!