All About Towels

I have been making an effort to wake up on time, as I used to do. Doesn't matter that I don't really need to. But to know that I can set my mind to something and do it, gives me some relief and self-assurance that I've not lost all of my lessons learnt.

I stumbled into my bathroom this morning after barely enough sleep and the first sight to greet me is this two bath towels hanging on both rungs of the towel rack. There is nothing ever odd about having two bath towels hanging in such a manner for most people. But I live by myself and in the 11 months I've lived here, never before have I come across such a sight.

Here I sit at my desk, refusing to take the other towel down to be put into the laundry basket, simply cos it reminds me that though I am by myself, I am not quite alone. It reminds me that when he's not here, there is something of his that is here. And that yes, when there is a chance, he comes home.

So there it is. All about towels. What's the state of yours?

Making Excuses

I recall having this discussion once with LB - about laziness and how it is a trait that can be cultivated. And I've been re-evaluating my own performance, my throughput levels at work, at my projects and how productive I have been. Sad to say, I have slacked so much I want to dig a hole and bury myself in it.

At the end of the day, I can make all sorts of excuses - culture, environment, time-zone difference - but they will remain what they are: excuses. And when I've realised that my own achievements have been below par, really - no amount of excuses can make me rest easy at night until that is sorted.

And so, as much as I wish I could take my traditional long vacation at this year-end, I know for a fact, I do not deserve one.

I no longer have the luxury of having a big team of folks where our roles can be segregated such that I am the thinker, the planner, the strategist and to pass them on for implementation when my part is done.

I am now all-rolled-into-one. And if I want my business to succeed so that I can say I made something for myself (and for certain crazy people to be less tied to a job) then I'll have to make sure that my plans, my programmes come to fruition.

December is almost near.. no more time for resting on laurels and hibernation.

Besides as Ben says - Tortoise pace is really not me.

The Hope

BFF-II is thinking he needs an iPhone cos he gets lonely without his MSN. Our short weekend catch up across the borders on his lousy lappie, we mutually agreed that people don't talk anymore. Which is one of the things I marvel at.

Ben once asked why do I need so many instant chat applications running - yes, I have 4 (Yahoo, Windows Live, Skype, GoogleTalk) and that number would increase to 5 if you were to include the built-in one on Facebook. And my reply was that different friends use different applications and so it's best if I had an account in each one and ran them all.

Sadly, that is indeed the harsh realities of our lives today. Instant chats and short-message texts. Folks asks for your number these days, and you can bet you'll never quite hear their voice on the other end but will receive a deluge of beeps from them.

Once upon a time, I was well and truly happy to not speak to another human being for days on end. I recall how Sen asked if he should step out the door, sit in the car and for us to continue our conversation via SMS cos the cat really got my tongue. But now, I'd much rather hear the voice and laugh on the other end of the line or table, sense the warmth of a smile and all that jazz that comes with actually knowing the you're not talking to yourself.

Everyone is different and thus engages different ways of staying connected. My best buddy can go for weeks and months on end not seeing me in the flash cos we start almost each day with a short "Good morning" beeped in. BFF on the other hand, would be there on GoogleTalk from the start of the work day till the end, but we'll still have a physical face-to-face lunch thrown in at least 2 out of 3 days in the week. And Ben just beeps but makes it a point to not go more than a couple of weeks at most, work permitting. 

And that, to me is my hope. 

An iPhone may be a solution, but it is NOT the only solution. So long as more people realise that - then perhaps we would not all lead such disjointed lives at the end of the day.

Evolution

Plato, who said in 300-something BC that you learn more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation. I supposed he would be the authority on this subject matter as he was surrounded all the time by philosophers, scholars, astronomers - persons who thought living and knowing was all done in conversations. Perhaps, it was through the daily intellectual exchanges that Plato felt that he had witness sufficient twisting and turning of thoughts to appreciate the simple joys of merely engaging without wanting to strike a point at the end of the hour.

Nat, after a particularly trying day at the office yesterday quoted Tennessee Williams as saying that the the only thing worse than a liar, is a liar who is also a hypocrite. And this would have been at the start of the 20th century. When the world was just coming to terms with materialism and consumerism. Where people realised that certain needs exploited, would bring about gains undreamed of. 

My day was more or less ruined at the start of the morning because of a callous thought spoken. While I am willing to give the benefit of doubt, strange as it may sound, that there was no malice intended, I am still nonetheless miffed at how people and society has evolved to the way we are today. 

As Akon said in his song, "Sorry, Blame it on me" - How was I meant to know she was underage? Which is a fine excuse Stan when all is said and done. But hey buddy boy - I would bet my bottom dollar that the question did cross your mind but you willfully cast it away, sweeping it under the carpet, playing the odds that you might not get caught. 

As night draws nigh, I cannot help but ponder if indeed the world were to end tomorrow, could we truly blame it on higher authority for giving up on us as a species, as a society, as a race. For while there may have been many improvements and innovations in the century past, there have also been a much higher rate of erosion. And I'm not capping it merely at what we are doing to the environment. But extending it to our values and norms.

I may not be an angel nor a saint. But hey I'm at least willing to admit that much.

In Another Life

In another life, I organised conferences - international ones - where over 2000 people came from around the world. With their partners having a separate agenda. And it wasn't just one that I have done. To fit them all in my  resume would be just too much. But that's precisely it - it was in another life.

Which was why I sat through a long meeting at the end of today, biting my tongue, resisting the urge to say "Give me one day with this paper and you'll have the programme, titles and to-do-list all drawn up to execute".

It's gonna be a long 6 weeks so I need to be mentally prepared for this. Lots of standing in front of my mirror saying "Shut my trap no matter what!"

It's gonna be a long 6 weeks so I need to be physically prepared for this. Tongue has got to be ready to be chomp down a fair bit.

I wish I didn't have so many other lives.

Lessons from Beyond

I’ve never been one good at receiving compliments of any kind graciously. Somehow, when pointed out, the things I do don’t seem extraordinary in my eyes.

Earlier this week, a 3^rd party commented through my friend how amazing a parent I am when Mandy recounted something Lydia remarked last week. Something about feeling bad cos she’s the only one going to a school that was a fee paying one. And that she had said it was alright if she didn’t go to her school just so I wouldn't have to put aside huge amounts of money for her schooling.

Of course I am almost amazed by how Lydia and Luke are. But never once have I credited it to me. And what was said over the end of the week – bout Little Nyonya being Lydia’s fave show and her having a maturity and how I have done well in that respect – made me seriously sit down and think if perhaps there is some truth to what everyone says.

At the core of upbringing, the most important thing one can ever impart, I feel, is a sense of respect. Instill that in anyone and everything else will fall into place. But how does one teach respect? For if we force it upon them without any understanding, then it is only but a mere watershed ~ it will not last when they form their own way of life. Yet, I believe that if we lead by example, coupled with explanation and rationalization, then yes it will stick, and not just stick for the now, but for life.

And so I do it my way – a vast difference from the culture and environment that I myself was brought up in. Many have doubted if my way would work. My best friends shell me for telling my kids that we cannot buy a particular toy or eat at a certain place cos we have to be careful with our finances. My parents want to kick my butt when I send the kids to a corner or make them wait out their dinner when they misbehave. My aunt wants to take a cane to my behind when she learnt that I have Luke earning his way around the house for a toy (needless to say, she went and bought it for him when I wasn’t around!)

But people can say whatever they want cos I have validation that my way works. Not just in the comments I get about the two but because I know one such person who has benefitted from quite possibly a somewhat similar upbringing. A person who is kind-hearted, intelligent yet humble, focused and successful, and of course, adores his mum!

They say the best way to learn is to go to the source. Unfortunately, in this instance it would be rather impossible and frankly, quite eerie to think that I could actually go to the source :o)

I believe that children are our one and only legacy. Not some business we leave behind, the bungalow on by the beach, or the many kind acts that we did in our lifetime. For those are transient – existing only when we exist. But if they continue, under the banner of one’s off-springs, then that would be the ultimate legacy.

So there you go – yes, Lydia and Luke are great kids. The best as they can come. But how much they have grown emotionally and mentally in the last year and months is really not all credit to me. If you have ever wondered why I offer Masses for a particular lady whom I have never met – it would be precisely for the parenting lessons she imparts from the great beyond – through her son.

While it may have sounded strange to any of you who heard - He talks to his dead mother - you must admit. If you had a child and after you've gone, you would want your child to still felt that bond you shared. You'd be damn proud if that happened, and not wonder if he was losing his marbles.

So there you go. Why I do not think it strange. For this lady, whatever she looks like, how she was, etc etc etc - I know this for a fact - she left one heck of a legacy, despite all the odds she had to overcome. 

If I can achieve one-half of what she did, I would be damn proud of myself! 

Perhaps only then would I graciously accept all glowing remarks about how beautiful human beings my kids are.

Conversations at Midnight

"When is all this busy-ness and madness going to end?," she asked.

"When I quit my job and come out on my own?" he replied. 

"You know.. Engleby, the book, said that this 'busy' thing isn't a commitment, it's an evasion," she added.

“When I tell you I’m busy, I really mean I’m busy.”

And she couldn't think of a suitable reply until now..

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