I sat in the train in from Cork to Dublin today and I looked
out the window to a scenery of wide open fields, cows and sheep grazing happily
away and horses trotting along. Funnily enough, it brought about a sense of
loss for the Camino which ended a week ago for me.
Perhaps it is because Ben has gotten on the plane and is physically making his
way half way around the world to me. And his words that we will sit somewhere
tomorrow to talk about my Camino experience.
Perhaps it is because since the Camino ending and right up to today, I have not
been able to discuss my experience over with another person who was on it or
who had done it.
I went out to dinner with a business associate I met once in KL not too long
ago. She was pretty determined that we met up when I came around and for that I
was sceptical – am I just another business contact to milk for my worth?
Yet, 3 hours later, we had just parted ways outside my hotel, leaving the
restaurant because it was closing. And the banter tonight was a bit about work.
But it was also a lot of discussions about “living in the now”.
I have no plans made ready for Ben and his first European experience. It is so
unlike me. But here’s the thing – I am not having to fight down some internal
demons to not type up so itinerary to fill his day. It is REALLY a ‘we will do
whatever we feel like doing’ kind of trip and not a ‘we must do everything
because we might not come back this way again’.
It is so difficult to reconcile tonight that no more than a week ago, I was at
my most vulnerable – the memory of breaking down at some intersection of a road
and sending out a Facebook plea is still so fresh in my mind. And yet today,
for more than an hour, a room full of highly respected persons in their
industry had their attention paid to me and what I said.
It is also so difficult to reconcile that I am taking the
whole family away on a family vacation at the end of this year. Yups, all 5
adults and 6 kids to Singapore – simply because I want when I am 80 and my
brother is 76 and our parents long gone, that we sit with our evening cup of
teas and reminisce on the memory that we made. That when our kids grow up and
get together they can chat collectively about the holiday they had – together.
One of my dinner companions remarked that at the end of the day, we all have to
go back to basics and that is doing what we must to live in the present.
As I close this and head for my shower, my thoughts are with a particular
friend of mine. I will not say you are lost. Neither will I say you are
clueless. I have no wise words to share with you my darling friend except this –
we only have one life to live. And sometimes we have to be selfish to live that
one life.
It has not been said before (and Mandy I know you will likely be going WHAT?! after
reading this) - Ben’s trip to Europe is a gift. My gift to him. It may seem
much and yes, indeed there is a whole lot more than I can do with the money
that I have and will be spending.
But at the end of the day, I am making a memory. And that, just like my Camino,
will always be something I have to carry with me for the rest of my life – come
what may.
If the walk in the wilds of Spain has thought me anything – it would be that:
Plans are all fine and well. But what matters most is what I do with the “now”.
