Run

I wish I could run to you right now. Right this minute. But yet, I am not sure that even if I could, I would.

And if that is the case, when you are my last port of call, my safe harbour and I cannot find it in me to do that, then where else have I left?

I need you here
I need you here to wipe away my tears to kiss away my fears
If you only knew

Girlfriend

Mandy asked me today, after exclaiming that she didn't get no credit in an earlier post, what my last post was all about. And she is the first person I have told it to in its entirety. And her reply to my statement that I do not kick up fusses was this - Maybe I don't literally but that I have been known to let my imagination get ahead of me.

If we were the hugging sort, we would have hugged (even if it was a virtual one). But because we're not, here you go girl - One post just to yourself. You know me best!

Trust Me

"This happened a few months ago but I didn't bring it up cos I didn't want you making a fuss over it. But since you've mentioned it... this was what happened."

I know I should be jumping on the "what happened" but instead, I am thinking to myself: He doesn't trust me! And it is a horrible thing to happen at 3 am - to suddenly dawn on your tiny wee self that the one person you have come to learn to trust, does not in turn fully trust you.

If my brain was less fogged by the whiskey, I would have probably flown into a rage with a "Whaddayamean I make a fuss?!" when we all know I am the most fuss-free person still existing in this day and age. I have learn that not all fuss are worth fussing about!

But regardless of the whiskey in the jar, the point is this: Why can't you trust that I am not like anyone else before this? And that this (imagine finger going from head to toe and back) is not some act, or hidden-unfussiness-ploy.

I wish I could make you see that this is ME. This is who I am. There is no evil-two-headed monster waiting to pounce on you.

I wish I could take back all your trauma and bad experiences that has brought you to where you are today. So that we do not have to be addressing this issue.

And because I shall not fuss, I shall only say it once: I wish you'd trust me enough to not compartmentalise your life the way you do now.