Dry Heaving

Have you ever been consume by the feeling of contradiction? Where the notion of moving forward is so exhausting, yet the thought of moving backwards seems like such a waste? I'm over-wrought to the point my body has broken down on me, in more ways than one. Ben reminds me that it's better for it to be happening for something that is my own. But I remind him, IT WOULD ALWAYS BE LIKE THIS! Sigh. It makes me wonder if the trade off is worth it.