I recently did something really impolite in the cyber world. I removed a friend (and yes, I have come to consider this person as a friend) without saying so beforehand.
Back-tracking into the week past, I have come to conclude that perhaps, it was a bit of jumping-the-gun on my part. But then again, when it comes down to having to face with really nasty people, I tend to not want to do battle these days anymore.
I woke up today to an email from said-person, asking "why?" and for the life of me, I could not formulate all my justifications and rationalisation into a proper sentence.
A week has gone by and in all honesty, not a day has gone by that I did not log on and think of my friend. Watching "You've Got Mail" in the midst of this wave of melancholy I have to say - does not help. Cos it is a movie, albeit only a decade old, set in a different time and space. Such notions can no longer survive in our space - notions of honesty and eloquence.
I chose not to deal with psychopathic dramas and so I chose to run away. And in that process, cost a friendship. I can claim that I'm doing him a favour - so he didn't need to get a guard-dog that is trained to kill or deal with hysterics on the home-front.
But the simple truth is I cannot deal with nasty people anymore these days and would not want any part of them in my life, in any way - even the remotest of all possibilities. But to say that would essentially mean saying in not so many words - choose. And it is not something I would want anyone to have to do. Not then. Not now. Not ever.
So while I am able to find laughter in me this wistful morning with the comments my friends are giving me over this grief, it remains as it is - a spot of bother this season.
Perhaps I should have added "I have missed you my friend".
Alas, the morning handed me a pussy licking and the damn cat did not just stop there but ran away with it as well. And so it is only said here on the Shooter and not anywhere else.
Oh well. So much for "honesty, trust and integrity".
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