Coming Of

I really should have written something, anything, last Friday. But things were just so crazy that to scribble anything without much thought, would have been blasphemous.

So yes.... I am now a business owner. I clock my own time, I determine my own direction, I sit in the biggest chair in the office. But really - what does it all mean? There must be something about it that I am missing in the midst of all the felicitations that I've been receiving. Yet, I do not see it.

All I see is endless days of worrying, especially around the payment dates. Sleepless nights of wondering - am I doing the right thing, the best thing for the campaign. Headless days of running around errands that never before crossed my path.

I suppose, after much thought, the point I am missing is not physical or material. It is a mental state - the shifting of paradigm that goes on unexplained. And there are no marks to indicate that changes have happened, had happened. No tangible that one can see in the second it happens.

In the olden days, they would say it is a coming of age, this subtle change. A cross-over point from one stage of life to another day. And because I believe that all cross-overs must have some demarcation, because I am like a cow with a short-term memory, I must mark it.

And mark it I did. Not so much for myself but for the people who stood by my through it all.

So instead of a COACH bag that I've had my eye on for the longest time, I've traded it in for a set of dining chairs, a series of bookshelves and a brand new sofa for the living room of my parents' house.

And it's not because I now have a little more disposable income. But because I've come of age.

I'm an adult now. You can have kids, you can drive your own car.  But truly, nothing hits you harder about that fact than you're responsible for people who are not related to you by blood or social ties.

I'll have to say it again - I'm an adult now.