It is a very bad place that I am in right now. And I know that for a fact simply because I have had to walk back to the car 3 times over the course of the day, forgetting to take my phone with me.
Right now, I cannot help but recall a question an old friend once asked over Facebook ~ What is on Barb's mind. Cos it feels like there is a thousand and one things that is running through it - much like a thought-montage, each one blurring into the other, only to come back again like in a loop.
Another friend tells me I should stop reading and watching depressing materials. Yet, I cannot help but feel - the books I have read and the movies I have watched - in someone else's hands, the outcome would be different, less morbid.
Perhaps it is a series of realisations, without a pause in between. I am overwhelmed. By my own self. Go figure!
Now, I know what they say ~ Acknowledgement is the key to recovery. But hell, how does one recover when the various things one is acknowledging are all contradicting?
For example: Barbsie is stuck in 48 hours in Paris. Not so much the sights, the sounds and definitely not the weather. But the shared conversations just after the lights go off for the night; the mumblings just before sleep takes over. Yet, at the same time, Barbsie knows that close proximity is not something she is ready for right now. That sharing living quarters, scheduling plans in between plans is going to be too much for her pea-sized brain and her egg-shell consciousness.
Or how Barbsie feels that life is too short to let her head rule her life. That there are many things that she over-thinks when it should be one of those things in life that she should just Nike-it. Yet, Barbsie knows that jumping the gun is not always the best solution. That it only leads to a lot of "Oh good grief! I did not just do / say that!"
So yes, Barbsie is lost. In her own head. To the point that she feels she has lost her words.
Perhaps, it is time for less thinking on one's own and time for more talking. About the things that really matter.
Right now, I cannot help but recall a question an old friend once asked over Facebook ~ What is on Barb's mind. Cos it feels like there is a thousand and one things that is running through it - much like a thought-montage, each one blurring into the other, only to come back again like in a loop.
Another friend tells me I should stop reading and watching depressing materials. Yet, I cannot help but feel - the books I have read and the movies I have watched - in someone else's hands, the outcome would be different, less morbid.
Perhaps it is a series of realisations, without a pause in between. I am overwhelmed. By my own self. Go figure!
Now, I know what they say ~ Acknowledgement is the key to recovery. But hell, how does one recover when the various things one is acknowledging are all contradicting?
For example: Barbsie is stuck in 48 hours in Paris. Not so much the sights, the sounds and definitely not the weather. But the shared conversations just after the lights go off for the night; the mumblings just before sleep takes over. Yet, at the same time, Barbsie knows that close proximity is not something she is ready for right now. That sharing living quarters, scheduling plans in between plans is going to be too much for her pea-sized brain and her egg-shell consciousness.
Or how Barbsie feels that life is too short to let her head rule her life. That there are many things that she over-thinks when it should be one of those things in life that she should just Nike-it. Yet, Barbsie knows that jumping the gun is not always the best solution. That it only leads to a lot of "Oh good grief! I did not just do / say that!"
So yes, Barbsie is lost. In her own head. To the point that she feels she has lost her words.
Perhaps, it is time for less thinking on one's own and time for more talking. About the things that really matter.
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