In These Lil Hands

My world has gone upside down, inside out, left and right - all at one go.

Exhaustion. I thought I knew what that meant. But in truth, I did not - right up till now. And I suspect that as time goes by in the near future, I would begin to know that word with deeper insight.

Physically, the body and mind is tired. Tired of travelling close to 1000 km in under 8 days. Tired of researching, reading, digesting and summarising.

But the champion of exhaustion would have to be the emotional state of mind. Of having to be constantly up-beat, slightly non-nonchalant (but not too much now) and well, basically be the complete opposite of what it is really is. For when no one is around, I sit and stare off into space. If I thought I could afford it, it would be done with a bottle of wine in one hand and a carton of smokes in the other.

And apart from this lil box in space, I can only be all that I really truly am when I am with my persons. The one who saw me through all 7 levels of hell - hey, we didn't think there would be an 8th did we? And the one who still remains here, despite having me shatter into a million pieces.

If there is anyone that can save me from self-destructing, it would be them. So in these lil hands of mine, I'm collecting the pieces that have chipped and broken off in the space of the last 1 month. And I am asking you to keep them in a lil box somewhere. And when the time comes, to help me piece me back again.

Please always remind me that through all this, you've got my back.