Valve Failure

I'm sitting here, waiting for dawn to come. And it's not even 10 pm.

Every pressurized system needs a relief valve.
There has to be a way to reduce the stress, the tension,
before it becomes too much to bare.

I've been hitting the gym or working out Every.Single.Day. Not cos I have a lil black dress to fit into for Christmas or the New Years. I'm much fitter now compared to 6 months before, granted. But that was not the real aim.

There has to be a way to find relief because if the pressure doesn't find a way out,
it will make one. It will explode. 

It's only the middle of the month, and my mind is already 2 weeks ahead to pay day, 3 months ahead to the application date, 6 months ahead to applications acceptance time, 9 months ahead to when results come out.

It's the pressure we put on ourselves that's the hardest to bare.
The pressure to be better then we already are. 

I've spent the better part of the last 6 weeks, running from one government office to another. Reviewing one write up to another. Throwing up one copy after the other. I have yet to strike one clean relationship with a potential customer!

The pressure to be better than we think we can be.

It's worrying me cos in my line of business, it's all about relationship (incidentally, I just took a stupid quiz that told me I'm 100% not-chinese - so much for Quan Xi!) and I have yet to build any with next year's customers.

It's my perfect nightmare. To want to be the employee yet being caught being the employer. To want to be the runner, the salesperson, yet caught being the one having to review every single fine print.

It never ever lets up.
It just builds and builds and builds.

And so I cannot wait for morning to come. So that I can go into the gym bright and early, to kill myself again lifting heavier, pushing harder and running faster. Just so that in the midst of feeling as if I have lost control, I remain in control.