A Can Of...

So it's been a while since I last found the words to put down in writing. Not that anything has been happening any ole ways.

I suppose what's spurring me on to do some wordly deposits tonight, is finding a friend's blog closed off to me. Hi-how surprise! Surprise! But then again, should I really be?

I told Ben last night, that it has been feeling as if I'm carting around baggage that do not belong to me. And how I've been trying to work it out in my puny pea-sized brain if it was me. Cos no matter how I've been turning it around, the only common factor that I could see in each scenario that irks me, is ME. And if it's really ME, then I have no right to come out and throw open the cover to my lil can of worms. 

It's sad cos his reply makes so much sense - friendship and relationships should never be compared to a can of worms. But Cindy Lauper sings True Colours in the background, I cannot help but not be able to finish the line that goes "I see your true colours, that's why I ..." 

The LegalBeagle once told me not to hang a category over our friendship. "Labels only brings about expectations!" I should have listened to that old boy and applied it categorically across the board for everyone.

Then maybe having to occasionally play Charlie Chaplin or constantly being "reprimanded" for not hanging out anymore won't bug me so much. Then maybe I can put aside the lil barbs as just plain stupid whimsical utterances, and not sit and wonder "Why do you have to go and say stuff like that?!"

And while, my gender, is famous for being the gender who speaks their hearts - somewhere along the way, this girl forgot how to go about it.

And so it's now a bulging can of worms. My lil can. With something in it for everyone I know. And I don't know how to throw the can out over the edge for the waves to carry it far, far away. Nor do I know how to slowly pull out on, hang it on a hook and use it as bait.

Life is a funny old thing. Sometimes we hang on to things, people, relationships when it has really gone past its use-by date.

What do you then do?