I had finished Sebastian Barry's latest book: On Canaan's Side just last week. A book that struck me strange as each chapter was marked by "X-Day without Bill". Yet, there is a certain poignancy this morning: Our 1st Day without Ah Ma.
My grandma passed away peacefully yesterday evening - on the eve of the new Lunar calendar. She quietly slipped away as we - her children, grandchildren & great-grandchildren, surrounded her with hymns praising the Holy Mother Mary.
It was the "release" she needed, after being bed-ridden since Boxing Day 2008 when she had a fall. For if you ever wondered where I got my strength, my stubbornness and my need to be constantly independent - look no further, it was all from my elders and Ah Ma was one of them. So I can only imagine what the last few years has been like for her - not able to do anything for herself.
We have had time, plenty of time, to prepare ourselves mentally for this day - yet, no matter how many times we have said our goodbyes, the finality of it drives a certain sense of extreme loss home like a stake being driven through the heart.
Oh what I would not give to see her face light up once again when my kids call her "Lau-mah" and she recognize that it is them, that they have come home once again.
Oh what I would not give to cook another roast chicken meal for her to enjoy.
As I watch my aunt, my dad, my uncles - we're all holding on so tightly to the fact that she had slipped away, after all her pains and sufferings of the last couple of days. And how that it was with holy choirs of angels that she left our side.
So while it was a day of deep, deep loss for all of us, it was also a perfect day.
Ah Ma is now free.
Ah Ma is now gone...
My grandma passed away peacefully yesterday evening - on the eve of the new Lunar calendar. She quietly slipped away as we - her children, grandchildren & great-grandchildren, surrounded her with hymns praising the Holy Mother Mary.
It was the "release" she needed, after being bed-ridden since Boxing Day 2008 when she had a fall. For if you ever wondered where I got my strength, my stubbornness and my need to be constantly independent - look no further, it was all from my elders and Ah Ma was one of them. So I can only imagine what the last few years has been like for her - not able to do anything for herself.
We have had time, plenty of time, to prepare ourselves mentally for this day - yet, no matter how many times we have said our goodbyes, the finality of it drives a certain sense of extreme loss home like a stake being driven through the heart.
Oh what I would not give to see her face light up once again when my kids call her "Lau-mah" and she recognize that it is them, that they have come home once again.
Oh what I would not give to cook another roast chicken meal for her to enjoy.
As I watch my aunt, my dad, my uncles - we're all holding on so tightly to the fact that she had slipped away, after all her pains and sufferings of the last couple of days. And how that it was with holy choirs of angels that she left our side.
So while it was a day of deep, deep loss for all of us, it was also a perfect day.
Ah Ma is now free.
Ah Ma is now gone...
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