One day more.. one day more before Ah Ma goes the way of the Bible saying: Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
It is a bit more poignant today as I look through the social networks and blogs and find that my cousins seems to have recent pictures taken with her. While all I have of her is a picture we took together 21 years ago and the smiling face she gave me at Christmas.
I have been feeling rather left out as I was assigned the responsibility of ensuring things went smoothly and the finances are fully accounted for. I watch from my "station" as everyone else throngs at their whim and fancy to go in to sit with her at the wake.
I keep telling myself, that it is alright. That I do not need that physical closeness with her body to mourn. That I can hold on until I reach home, shut the doors, turn off the lights, stop the clock and bawl my heart out. But that is not true.
This is now know. I need my fair share of having last gazes at her face with eyes closed, trying to push my hands through the glass pane to grasp hers one last time.
I need time still to ask Ah Ma: would you still chase cars with me, even though you're not gone?
It is a bit more poignant today as I look through the social networks and blogs and find that my cousins seems to have recent pictures taken with her. While all I have of her is a picture we took together 21 years ago and the smiling face she gave me at Christmas.
I have been feeling rather left out as I was assigned the responsibility of ensuring things went smoothly and the finances are fully accounted for. I watch from my "station" as everyone else throngs at their whim and fancy to go in to sit with her at the wake.
I keep telling myself, that it is alright. That I do not need that physical closeness with her body to mourn. That I can hold on until I reach home, shut the doors, turn off the lights, stop the clock and bawl my heart out. But that is not true.
This is now know. I need my fair share of having last gazes at her face with eyes closed, trying to push my hands through the glass pane to grasp hers one last time.
I need time still to ask Ah Ma: would you still chase cars with me, even though you're not gone?
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