Sid's Secret

I bumped into an old friend at dinner tonight. He’s actually a friend of Lydia and Luke’s biological father, but other time became my friend as well. I haven’t seen him for a while now, but for some reason, my gut did tell me I would be seeing him sometime soon.

I don’t know what possessed me to ask, after the usual round of courtesies – So how’s Ray? And that was my opening of Pandora’s Box for the year.

And so, Lydia and Luke has two half-siblings somewhere out there in the same geographical space. It is news that I have been preparing myself to hear from the grapevine eventually sometime thru this thing I call my life. But perhaps, I wasn’t prepared enough. And right now, 3 vodka cranberries on and pushing on 40 hours without sleep; I am not sure how to react to it.

I have learnt from my 10 hour dvd marathon that one should put a label to their feelings in order to know how to address it. And so this is my attempt:

I have some amount of rage going on somewhere inside – Did he think he could replace the two he cast aside with new ones, as one does with cars, homes, clothes, shoes? And knowing him, they would probably have closet full of branded clothing, shoes and toys as well while mine have what’s available and affordable. If he had any cow sense left in that pea size brain of his (see I told you I was raging!), they would probably be enrolled in the best pre-school in his neighbourhood, carrying the fanciest backpack and not having to wonder if asking for a McD’s lunch on the weekend would be too much.

But having said and expanded all that, I also have some amount of pride hanging abouts somewhere in here as well. Cos Lydia and Luke are beautiful, with Lydia certainly taking after me and my Straits Chinese features, which is probably why most people thinks she is of mixed-parentage. And through that, they would always be uniquely different in a crowd.

Plus tonight, in talking with my mates from around the world, exchanging parenting stories, my kids are equal to theirs – theirs who goes to the best international school in town and having the advantage of being global citizens.

I may not have much, thereby translating to Lydia and Luke not having much either. But in taking away all the things that money can buy, they are gaining a whole lot more. For they have values and appreciation of what money cannot buy. And they have me – all of ME, which more than makes up for a dad who, in the name of work, go out drinking till half past 3 in the mornings, and living beyond his means just to keep up with the Jones.

At the end of the day, in my opinion, there are somethings and some persons that you can replace. Cars, houses, jobs, watches. Best friends, neighbours, even parents.

But when it comes to kids – YOUR KIDS – a person whom you created – if you think they can be replaced – Buddy, I hate to say this. But you’re even more screwed up than I (and the rest of my world) gave you credit for.

But it’s okay. We shan’t rat on you. These kind of things cannot remain skeletons in the closet forever. Until then, we’ll let it remain Sid’s secret.

And we know Sid’s gonna come back and bite ya in the arse when you least expect it.

With that, we’ll close by adding vengeance to the list as well.