My cousin Paul wrote on his blog that "ecause his "dialect" with which he
communicates love is different (perhaps his is by tell her how much he
loves her), these deeds she does for him didn't seem important to him,
and she feels unloved."
I am quite possibly able to write this posting tonight only because I have had nothing to eat since lunch and half a bottle of vino in.
I turn 36 on Sunday. And this year, it should be something I am looking forward to. To borrow an expression from Mandy - I have "arrived" after having licked the very bottom of the devil's cauldron. But not only that, since knowing a certain someone since 2008, this is the 1st birthday of mine that we are celebrating together.
Try as I may to tell myself to not make a fuss about it - I know deep down that he has made efforts to shift his life around, so that he is around this Sunday. I knew it 4 Sundays ago. (Though at that point in time, I was miffed big time but yes, the light bulb did come on eventually).
And in order that I do not end up disappointed, I have been telling myself that it is a coincidence. That it was not intended.
BUT if I know him, like I have come to know him and as Paul wrote - I am denying myself joy. Real JOY! Fore he has made effort and I am not giving him brownie points for it. Simply because I have been left out in the rain far too many times.
I have been asking myself today, playing scenarios in my head, wondering "Who am I to you?" when I didn't have to. Wasn't it said before not too long ago?
"I shake the hands of my friends when we meet!"
"But you don't shake mine!!!"
I am quite possibly able to write this posting tonight only because I have had nothing to eat since lunch and half a bottle of vino in.
I turn 36 on Sunday. And this year, it should be something I am looking forward to. To borrow an expression from Mandy - I have "arrived" after having licked the very bottom of the devil's cauldron. But not only that, since knowing a certain someone since 2008, this is the 1st birthday of mine that we are celebrating together.
Try as I may to tell myself to not make a fuss about it - I know deep down that he has made efforts to shift his life around, so that he is around this Sunday. I knew it 4 Sundays ago. (Though at that point in time, I was miffed big time but yes, the light bulb did come on eventually).
And in order that I do not end up disappointed, I have been telling myself that it is a coincidence. That it was not intended.
BUT if I know him, like I have come to know him and as Paul wrote - I am denying myself joy. Real JOY! Fore he has made effort and I am not giving him brownie points for it. Simply because I have been left out in the rain far too many times.
I have been asking myself today, playing scenarios in my head, wondering "Who am I to you?" when I didn't have to. Wasn't it said before not too long ago?
"I shake the hands of my friends when we meet!"
"But you don't shake mine!!!"
"What nonsense are you going on about?! Please - you are miles ahead of all of them!"
I am such a fool. I shall enjoy the rest of my wine and look forward to turning 36.
Life awaits!
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