Talking to the Hand

I have just watched the movie Twilight. And trust me – it is not a moofy you wanna watch by yourself, on the day when it is suppose to be your day.

*Argh*

I have tried cooking. I have tried snapping at people in checkout lines who take one plastic bag too many. I have tried taking on more projects than I can manage right now.

I need to rant and I need to rant it to his face! And for once, I really shouldn't care that his plate(s) are over-flowing and he's already up to his neck trying to clear things off it.

*Argh*

We all know that's not what I have / would / going to do. Which is why I am here - talking to the loaded hand (excuse the pun boys!)

I’ll go thru this curve and right now it’s pitting. And I hate the pits. The worse times are when it curves downwards and I sit in the pit, waiting for the curve to pitch upwards again. What's a few measly days when the only way is up right?

*Argh*

What a conundrum it is when you’ve painted a picture of this ultra-sensible person who knows which priority to stick to!

*Sigh*

You're like a drug to me. 

Like my own personal brand of heroine.

I hate being addicted!

 

Growing Legs

“There’s only so much I can do cos my hands are tied. I want the changes to happen but I can’t do it if my boss does not support me. And so lately, I’m beginning to wonder, what the hell am I still here for?!”

I recently read that with this economic downturn, we’ll see a burst of entrepreneurs as more and more people decide to take matters into their own hands.

Sure, we all have that aspiration to be our own bosses. But yet how many of us know what it means to be one?! Especially if one starts out small and then grow over time into something bigger than we ever imagined?!

I have only one fear when it comes to seeing beyond October 2010, and that is one day the people who work for me and my company would turn away and say – I have been utterly wasting my time, talents and skills with you!

When you’re a one-man show, you’ve gotta one-leg-kick-it. But when you can afford to be an octopus – you’ve gotta let go of the legs and be just the head. If not, you’ll find yourself caught in a mire of entanglements which will slowly cut off your oxygen supply and eventually kill you.

If you can't get that in your thick head, then either stay in employment or never let your business grow beyond that of a mum-and-pop store.

Look Up and Ahead

“Madam paid you a compliment today. She said you had your eye on the ball.”

I am now in month 7 of my job and lately, the level of activity had up a notch. Since Monday, things have been moving at a slightly faster speed. Yet as we wind down Friday, I feel out of breath already.

A lot of the stress that I have undergone this week – I would have taken it in my stride a year ago.

As I drove home from a social function earlier, I was thinking back on the many nights when I clocked out at 9, having started at 8. And tomorrow would be the same story once again. Yet, I could do it.

Where did my stamina go?

I once had a conversation with the LegalBeagle and I said that I must be growing lazy. But seeing how lazy is not really something you cultivate, I’d have to say I lost my sight on the ball. Which was why I felt as if I was floundering this week, especially when I know how to do these tasks with my eyes closed.

“I am not going to push you cos 1. You don’t work for me, and 2. You’re the sort of person who cannot be pushed by anyone but yourself.”

In reflection, that statement is so true. I have not been pushing myself, and doing it again this week is akin to a ball player getting back into the game after a hiatus.

THIS cannot happen again. No matter what the level of activity is, I must always keep my eye on the ball.

 

Walking One Hundred Thousand Miles

“It’s shameful, to be 35 and not be able to take care of yourself.”

It’s tough to look yourself in the mirror when you know you’re physically falling apart due to self-neglect. Especially when you’ve always been the sort to not depend on other people to look out for you. And then there’s the whole internal struggle between letting someone else step in to do the needful, and the toughing it out bit.

I know all this because I am one of those persons. It took me forever to learn how to alert those closest to me when I’m down, unable to crawl out of bed. Gone are the days when I hauled myself to the nearest hospital, lie there bed-ridden for days, acting all chirpy and cheery when I spoke to my folks as if I was taking a stroll in the park.

“There is nothing wrong with having to let someone else take care of you. It doesn’t mean you’re any less independent, and it doesn’t mean that you’re pitiful either.”

So while I may be worn out thin yesterday, I can at least find comfort in the fact that someone had a proper meal this week because I went the extra mile. I may have to spend the next hour cleaning my kitchen from the grease that’s stuck to every available surface, but heck – it’s all worth it, so long as my tall Utopian refugee stops shrinking any further and losses that glassy-eyed look.

Yes, I’d walk one hundred thousand miles for this Utopian cos there’s nothing more beautiful a sight than that of seeing someone’s face progressively brighten up as the hours go by. 

Philosophies of Life

Here are 3 reasons why trust should not be placed as a component in a relationship:

1. There would be no betrayal
   
2. There would be no hurt
   
3. There would be no responsibility for the person entrusted with to bear

As such, it was said that IF trust is not an element, no matter what happens, the relationship can still persist.

Such pessimism in life. Sounds awfully dark and twisted - almost like something I would say even!

So why then say "You can trust me"?

Such befuddlements at 2 in the morning when I need to be at my ad agency across the valley in 7 hours! People really shouldn't mess with me like that. Not when I have a thousand and one things to see to!

And while we're on that subject - we might as well throw in the latest from Charlie which reads: What is it going to take for me to see you again? Name it!

If any male readers out there have any insights as to why Charlie is being so Charlie-ish: please shed some light. Cos it sure as hell makes me break into a loud laugh while I wrinkle my brows!

People Need People

It used to be that each time my kids went off to Johor, you would not find me at home, no matter what the weather is outside.

The school holidays are coming to an end tomorrow and this was the longest they were away – the whole 6 weeks. And not once did I step out far too late into the night. Not once did I come home, wobbling my way thru the corridors.

To many of my friends, I’ve become a hermit crab of sorts, preferring to vegetate on my couch or curled up with a book and my fave music playing on my stereo. As one person said casually: Don’t bother asking Barbs. She’ll never say “Yes” to an outing.

As much as that may seem to be true to the naked eye, people need people: I still enjoy the company people – I’ve just become extremely selectively about who I spend my time with, that’s all.

Quality over quantity. Give me that and I wouldn't give a blessed damn if there's a blizzard outside ~ We'll throw snowballs and have a great laugh falling down and getting wet!

 

 

 

 

Two Days In...

res⋅o⋅lu⋅tion ~ noun

1. A formal expression of opinion or intention made, usually after voting, by a formal organization, a legislature, a club, or other group. 
2. A resolve or determination.
3. The act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc.
4. The mental state or quality of being resolved or resolute; firmness of purpose.
5. The act or process of resolving or separating into constituent or elementary parts.
6. The resulting state.
7. A solution, accommodation, or settling of a problem, controversy, etc.

It’s the 2^nd day of the New Year. I have been again running around, albeit with my folks this time, getting the kids’ ready for school up and going. And this time, we’re quite pressed for time cos mum and dad have been away for 6 weeks and have just gotten back.

To add to that, our family is not starting the year with our best foot forward. My grandma who is in her 90s, took a tumble on Christmas night and have been in pain. When you have the elderly in the house, every time the phone rings a certain tone, your heart skips a beat. And it is with this sense of apprehension that we're going about our business. And it pains us to see her giving up the fight.

I know she’s lived a long and fruitful life, and if it’s meant to be her time, there’s nothing that we can do about it. She has much to be joyful for – I cannot name another person who has lived thru 2 wars, many glorious days, endure many sorrowful ones, still have all her children save 1 with her, 7 grandkids (not counting their spouses) and 10 great-grand-kids with #11 in tow.

I have not made any resolutions this year. And if I had to give a rationale why – I would say my grandma lives without making any and she’s done mighty fine for herself.

I suppose as one gets older, one learns that one does not need a list of things, written days or hours before the date changes. Every moment is an opportunity to change, to live, to love.