Seeing Light

People think a soulmate is your perfect fit,
and that's what everyone wants.
But a true soulmate is a mirror,
the person who shows you
everything that's holding you back,
the person who brings you
to your own attention so
you can change your life.

I have just read Elizabeth Gilbert's last book - Eat, Pray, Love: One woman's search for everything.

A true soulmate is probably
the most important person you'll ever meet,
because they tear down your walls
and smack you awake.
But to live with a soulmate forever?
Nah. Too painful.

I'm not too sure why I picked up this book, but it was not a random buy. There was something about the write-ups and reviews that told me, if there was one book that I was to read and learn something from it, it would be this book. And it was right.

Soulmates,
they come into your life
just to reveal another layer of yourself
to you,
and then they leave.

Cos I have been stuck in a rut for the longest time and exhausting all possible means to get out of it. I seriously think I was at the point of resigning myself to the one useless fact that I was not going to be able to get over it, and hence, there was no point in fighting it. Which would have just been so wrong as it would see me as you have been - on one massive roller-coaster ride.

Your problem is -
you just can't let this one go.
It's over.

I have even been thinking to myself that hey - maybe there's some basis to all this. I mean, a rut is like 2 weeks, a month. But when it stretches as long as the calendar change? And I have been fighting down all the flaws that I now recognise, wanting to keep an all perfect image of the imaginary.

His purpose was to shake you up,
tear apart your ego a little bit,
show you your obstacles and your addiction,
break your heart open so new light could get in,
make you so desperate and out of control that
you HAD to transform your life,
then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it.
That was his job, and he did great,
but now it's over.

Somebody asked me the other day - was I contented? And I found myself replying by asking back, What was contentment? If it meant, do I have all the things that I wanted and is okay with not having the things I don't - then the answer would be NO. I came home and thought about it, have been thinking about it. And you know what? I am content, save for one. It's tiring, to be like a cat, chasing after their own tail. And I am dog-tired. So bone-weary that somedays, it weighs me down like a tonne of brick.

You're afraid to let go of

the last bits of him because then

you'll really be alone,

and you are scared to death

of what will happen when

you're really alone.

Reading this book, if not for anything else, has opened my eyes and my mind to this - that I do not have to be dog-tired. That it is of my own choosing. That my present is in my own hands for me to change so that the tomorrow can be another care-free day.

But here's what you've gotta understand -
if you clear out all that space in your mind
that you're using right now to obsess about this guy,
you'll have a vacuum there,
an open spot - a doorway.

In truth, maybe a part of me thinks that for me to be happy, I needed that one spark that re-ignited the flame of happiness to always be there. Like your trusty lighter that you must keep on you at all times. But that's not it is it?

And guess what the universe will do with that doorway?
It will rush in and fill you with
more love than you ever dreamed.

True that maybe this one person knows me on a level that most other people don't. But it would also be the truth that maybe this one person knows me as such, only because I allowed him and no one else to see those sides of me.

So stop using him to block that door.
Let. It. Go.

Yeah - it's time. He could be one of my bestmates and show me the different sides of the same story. But that's over now and it's time to move on.

And with that, it's also time to go shower up, get dressed and head on out to my fave cafe, cos We Need to Talk About Kevin *grin*