Weirdness Defined

I. Am. Weird.

I have been thinking how I am so weird since I got home at 5 this morning. It was the only thing I could think of when I drove home from town, smoking one ciggarette after another. It was the only thing running thru my head as I had my supper by myself at the mamak in front of the apartment.

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I have been just chilling at home and out eating since I got back Thursday close to midnight. Not really my plan to spend my hols this way, but apparently this is how it's to pan out.

Had brunch yesterday with this chap I've just met, who gratefully is only gonna be in town for another 9 days or so. As my lil white boy puts it - it's in his favour to be around only long enough to pique my interest and scoot outta here before he rattles my nerves. I cannot agree more cos seriously - he's a nice enough chap for me to actually wanna have a conversation with, and that it extremely worrying.

And that was the start of my whole weirdness episode cos as soon as he got into the car, he looked me in the eye and said, "I cheated on you yesterday." *Duh* Is that even remotely possible, considering we've only been out once, spoke on the phone the whole night once and I gave him directions to get out of town and home once?!

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I had dinner with Bear. For once, I think I actually ate more than he did and he wasn't even close to having anything resembling a migrain (which is when he stops eating). I also tried to pin him to another car with mine as I was picking him up, which again is a bit unlike me.

I've come to realise that over time, Bear sees this side of me - this serious, un-Barbsie side that is not-quite-me. And that is scary cos internally, I know it's really the start of the down-hill slide-tumble-fall of losing myself, and with it, all my capabilities of being a level-headed human being that is fun and interesting.

I could have inched the car just that tad bit closer for a louder laugh. And should have done it with one hand on the steering wheel and the other on my camera to register the look on his face when it occured to him what I was "attempting" to do.

~**~

I went clubbing in Chinatown last night. Yeah - clubbing AND Chinatown in the same sentence. Good Lord - what has the Year of the Rat done to me?! It seems to be bringing out all the dirty, notty sides of me!

I danced, I drank and my pimp daddy for the night went about his mission of finding me a Rainmaker. And we decided to put Adam's theory of bandwith (10 up and 10 down) to the test (again!) with a 23 year old Swedish exchange student! I am laughing my head off as I write this bit cos seriously - I think Barbsie kinda left the building at that point and headed off somewhere else - really far, Far Away!

But hell - the boy looked like Nigel from Tyra Banks' show and who really cares if we all didn't get his name.

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And that's where the whole I am weird thingy started crashing in on me. I started out thinking that men / boys are weird. Cos when we were in our twenties, we learnt that to be a cling-on is not a good thing - it just doesn't fly with em boys. Kinda like - do what you have to do and then get the hell right out of there bit. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be the case anymore. All the whining and pouting that goes one when it's mentioned that it was time to go - Hey! Did I miss a memo or what?!

It evolved from them boys (apart from being stupid) being weird, to ME being weird came about when one of my buddies, at 4 in the morning said - "Barb, why do you do the F&F?! It's so not right! People don't do that shit anymore! Girl you're so weird!"

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Okay, anyways... so yeah I am weird. Weird in a good / bad sense. I guess being weird is better than being stupid, eh? Or maybe this.. is stupidity in a weird way on its own? We don't really care do we?