Add Me On!

Earlier this month, the word ‘Unfriend’ was named word of the year by the New Oxford American Dictionary. Defined as a verb that means to remove someone as a "friend" on a social networking site such as Facebook, it was said to be chosen because "it has both currency and potential longevity." 

Running a search on Google on this word, I must say I am most surprised to find loads of instructional entries on how to ‘unfriend’ someone for whatever reasons you may have. One of my favourite lines would have to be this: “Assuming you're sure that you no longer want to be friends, click on "Okay" and after a moment or two that connection is broken and the two of you are no longer friends.” 

Wowzers indeed! 

In the years that I have been a FB member, I think I had only had to consciously remove people from my listing a grand total of about 3 times. The first was an utter act of silliness – very High School Musical which I shall not bore you with. The second was really an act of kindness – said person did not have to know how accidentally upsetting he can be from my status tweets. But in these two instances, in an off-line world, we were (and remains) good friends, on good terms. 

The third was however a seriously conscious decision in both on-and-off-line worlds. And it was a hard and painful one to make. But what needed to be done had to be done. Though not in the manner that FB and New Oxford has so callously painted it out to be. And so, after two long email exchanges, one final attempt at finding if there is anything that could be salvaged, the button was clicked and she was outta of my life. 

We’re not at that age where friends come by so easily ~ the phrase a dime a dozen comes to mind, simply cos we have already peaked in formulating our opinions, our lifestyles, our convictions – any one wanting into this category would have to fit these criteria we have painstakingly established over time. 

I can’t say cyberspace has not done its part in better enabling us to find people who meet some. if not all, of these criteria. And of course, being a world that never sleeps, it enables us to find these matches crossing geographical boundaries and time zones, without disrupting our normal lives. 

But here the deal breaker - with such unlimited freedom from our normal parameters, it has also given us carte blanche to hurt. 

Irritated with their constant mindless banter? Click ‘Hide updates’. Not wanting to hear how their day went? Click ‘invisible’. No longer interested in having them keep you company late into the early hours of morning? Click ‘unfriend.’ And the best bit of it all – as Facebook would warn you if you ever embark on this new verb: “Your former friend will not receive any notification that you have unfriended them.” Which means, there would be this one person, sitting at their computer, somewhere out there wondering – Gee, have I gone and done something I should not have? 

Go back a millennia or so, you’ll find that the Old English word for ‘friend’ was simply the present participle of the verb frēon ~ to love. So while what has become a daily part of our lives and is indeed extremely useful – it has also cheapened and demeaned the true definition of a friend. 

Perhaps Facebook should relook at the way they have categorized relationships. Add in categories like “acquaintance”, “cyber buddy” or even “game neighbor”. Just so that everyone knows everyone else’s boundaries. 

And perhaps while for us purist who awaits the people over at the Facebook office to wake up and smell the degeneration – maybe we ourselves could be just that lil bit more cautious and think once, twice, thrice to the n-th time whether we really want to click on that button that says “Add as friend.” 

Call me a lemon. Call me a pessimist. Call me anything you want. But trust me on this – you’ll be saving yourself a whole load of grief from being ‘unfriend’ once your flavor has worn out.