Fiel

I'm trying very hard to find a solid reason why I keep coming back to this place. Why I keep revisiting this one issue, challenge. And why sometimes when I do, I can easily brush it aside, while at other times it can crumble me into a messed pile on the couch.

Maybe it's true...

I suppose what we see, what we hear, what we witness bears some weight to what we decide. And yes, while we may have made a decision once before, the world doesn't stay still and as such, pathways and futures in tandem, do not stay the same either. 

Maybe two is better than one...

If for nothing else that the last month has shown me, it would be that life is short and I am wondering if I am letting my life waste away, waiting for circumstances to come back into favour, waiting for control to be gained once again.

Everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing

Yet, if I were to truly examine it from all points - I can't really say that I am wasting my life away. If anything, I have never been more in control of what I want and going after it. And while I would love to take absolute credit for it, I know I cannot say for certain that without my all-spark, I wouldn't be here.

But there's so much time, to figure out the best in my life
And you've already got me coming undone

There is a Spanish saying: Si quiero ser fiel a alguien o algo, primero debo ser fiel a mi mismo ~ To be faithful to someone or something, first I must be faithful to myself. And if I were to follow that saying, then I must admit that I have already made my decision - so long ago. And because I don't know how to deal with missing a piece of me, I go round  the mulberry bush, finding a ruse to disguise it.

Perhaps rather than muddling the issue, I should just look it straight in the eye and face it for it really is. Two is really not better than one. You don't have to tell me that. I know.

When I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything's okay

So this is the last we'll hear of this, in this fashion. Making it count with those who count is what makes it all worth it.

And finally now, believing that
I can't live without you...

Okay... I can do this.