Winter Blues

The Bear asked me to catch up with him tomorrow when I shared that I had taken the day off. My reply to him was that he's blown me off so many times before, I didn't quite see a point in it. I further added that in my current state of mind, if he did do that, I'd probably disown him for good in fury.

Today was not really a good day. As I told Alex - I'm all blue and wanted to hole up at home under the covers and wait for the day(s) to go by. The rain outside my window is not helping much either - it'll be strange to say this but it is true - I suffer from the Winter Blues in a tropical climate country.

I could say, that this is precisely one of the reasons why, people choose not to go down this path. That it was not worth all the endless moaning at the end of the day. That sometimes, poor quality is still better than zero quantity.

I could say, that I'm not brave enough to take matters into my own hands. And say enough is enough - I am drawing the line. I do not, not for an abundance of cowardice. But because I know that the random bits of good far outweighs the massive black hole.

There is nothing wrong. Just a lack of communication. A lack of knowing that the other person is still there. And I should know better when he is off on his rainbow chasing expeditions - and literally in this case, looking for the pot of gold at the end of it. 

And under normal circumstances, I would cope better. I have coped better. But these days and weeks have been anything but normal. Just as I think I have sent the Grim Reaper away, news of yet another death comes my way. And while it is of someone who is of not much personal consequence to me, it is still a piece of news - of someone who shares some of my DNA passing. Another life lost not even old.

If I had a genie in a bottle, I would cast my wish like John Donne's Bait and simply say:

Come live with me, and be my love

And we will some new pleasures prove

Of golden sands, and crystal brooks,

With silken lines and silver hooks.