Lessons from Beyond

I’ve never been one good at receiving compliments of any kind graciously. Somehow, when pointed out, the things I do don’t seem extraordinary in my eyes.

Earlier this week, a 3^rd party commented through my friend how amazing a parent I am when Mandy recounted something Lydia remarked last week. Something about feeling bad cos she’s the only one going to a school that was a fee paying one. And that she had said it was alright if she didn’t go to her school just so I wouldn't have to put aside huge amounts of money for her schooling.

Of course I am almost amazed by how Lydia and Luke are. But never once have I credited it to me. And what was said over the end of the week – bout Little Nyonya being Lydia’s fave show and her having a maturity and how I have done well in that respect – made me seriously sit down and think if perhaps there is some truth to what everyone says.

At the core of upbringing, the most important thing one can ever impart, I feel, is a sense of respect. Instill that in anyone and everything else will fall into place. But how does one teach respect? For if we force it upon them without any understanding, then it is only but a mere watershed ~ it will not last when they form their own way of life. Yet, I believe that if we lead by example, coupled with explanation and rationalization, then yes it will stick, and not just stick for the now, but for life.

And so I do it my way – a vast difference from the culture and environment that I myself was brought up in. Many have doubted if my way would work. My best friends shell me for telling my kids that we cannot buy a particular toy or eat at a certain place cos we have to be careful with our finances. My parents want to kick my butt when I send the kids to a corner or make them wait out their dinner when they misbehave. My aunt wants to take a cane to my behind when she learnt that I have Luke earning his way around the house for a toy (needless to say, she went and bought it for him when I wasn’t around!)

But people can say whatever they want cos I have validation that my way works. Not just in the comments I get about the two but because I know one such person who has benefitted from quite possibly a somewhat similar upbringing. A person who is kind-hearted, intelligent yet humble, focused and successful, and of course, adores his mum!

They say the best way to learn is to go to the source. Unfortunately, in this instance it would be rather impossible and frankly, quite eerie to think that I could actually go to the source :o)

I believe that children are our one and only legacy. Not some business we leave behind, the bungalow on by the beach, or the many kind acts that we did in our lifetime. For those are transient – existing only when we exist. But if they continue, under the banner of one’s off-springs, then that would be the ultimate legacy.

So there you go – yes, Lydia and Luke are great kids. The best as they can come. But how much they have grown emotionally and mentally in the last year and months is really not all credit to me. If you have ever wondered why I offer Masses for a particular lady whom I have never met – it would be precisely for the parenting lessons she imparts from the great beyond – through her son.

While it may have sounded strange to any of you who heard - He talks to his dead mother - you must admit. If you had a child and after you've gone, you would want your child to still felt that bond you shared. You'd be damn proud if that happened, and not wonder if he was losing his marbles.

So there you go. Why I do not think it strange. For this lady, whatever she looks like, how she was, etc etc etc - I know this for a fact - she left one heck of a legacy, despite all the odds she had to overcome. 

If I can achieve one-half of what she did, I would be damn proud of myself! 

Perhaps only then would I graciously accept all glowing remarks about how beautiful human beings my kids are.