Heffalump

I awoke today to a posting on my Facebook wall saying "Bill wants to know what Barb is thinking... Her thoughts are scattered all over:)"

Now Bill is an old old old friend who I have lost touch with for a number of years. It brought a big smile to my face yesterday when he 'found' me on Facebook and I cannot wait to get some time and start filling in the gaps with him since the last time we met some 10 years ago at La Bodega.

It's funny how with some folks, time and space does not erase anything. I reckon he'd probably spent about 10 minutes going through my profile page to come to that conclusion as he did. But he was spot on cos my thoughts are indeed scattered all over the place.

I am trying to spend today, re-charging myself emotionally, physically and mentally. It has been a crazy month and the 2 days of vacation leave I took last weekend didn't really amount to very much. The body can recover over time spent under the smelly blanket but the mind doesn't work the same way. The mind needs quiet. The mind needs fuel. The mind needs peace before the soul can get back to where it was.

Nothing extraordinary has happened. Just a whole load of things going on, all small and almost negligible but begging to have attention paid. And I want to make the time to give that attention cos some of those episodes I do not want repeated again.

One of which would be my almost insane self-meltdown in my car, driving from my office to the hotel for a reception. It was utterly insane just because I was bringing a boy to a function and I was afraid he would do a no-show. It was utterly insane cos he worked his arse off for the whole week to make sure his back was covered at work sufficiently for him to split his own scene, and show up at mine for 2 hours before going back to work. It was utterly insane cos for what it is worth, I didn't give him the benefit of doubt when I would give him anything else that he can possibly ask for, dished up on a silver-platter to boot! It was not a pleasant place to be at and I can slap myself for thinking the non-existent elephant was going to fall from the sky. And because of that, I missed out on a whole lot of things that I cannot go back, reclaim and savour.

Another would be actually waking up soon from this sense of surrealism. The new future is already here. It is no longer in the distant horizon - it has arrived. Yet, I cannot bring myself to believe it in. I may say the words and all that jazz but each night, I go home and I cannot reconcile the present. Once, again, my lil imaginary elephant friend swings his trunk and lets out an imaginary tweet.

Pardon me if this posting does not make any sense. And it likely wouldn't until I have a little chat with my heffalump.

Wish me luck now!