Ms Big

I've been silent again here on Barbsie. A lot of thoughts have come and gone in this wee brain of mine. Some stayed and some vanished. And better yet - some vanquished.

A new pattern of living has emerged. Days are getting longer, simply by setting that alarm to go off an hour earlier. The extra time is once again channeled back into work. It's quite scary - these glimpse of a life I had abandoned 2 years ago. Scary cos I might lose balance all over again.

I remember a year ago, someone commented that the career change I made was akin to going into semi-retirement. The comment stayed not cos of the person (cos he is one we do not like, despite cited to be having ears that looks like mine) but cos at that time it was like "Wait a minute there!Hell NO boy! But over time, learning to lead a balanced life has made me sit down and realise that in all that busy-ness, I was really stuck in a vacuum space.

My favourite author, Paulo Coelho says this: Tal vez solo hay una vida para ser vivida. Pero si lo haces bien, una vez es suficiente ~ You may only live once. But if you do it right, once is enough. 

Living right used to be having a position that is respected and envied. Living right used to be driving the right car, wearing the right clothes, sending the kids to the right school and mixing with the right crowd. Boy was I blind! And it took a bit of semi-retirement to see the light.

The world shook once again last week, even as we are still grappling to recover from its last bout of “itchies” (Luke’s way of understanding earthquake) it had. And while they may be deaths of people who are absolute strangers to me, there is a lesson to be learnt – if we but open ourselves to it.

Perhaps it is a bit premature, but today, I will celebrate the life of a lady named Margaret who I read about in Tara’s blog. I will go to church this evening and light a candle in her name. For she has gone ‘home’ to await the angels who will come to take her back to her Father. And I will celebrate the people who have made it possible for her to do this.

The last time I wrote, I asked myself “What can I do then today, on my borrowed time, that would make me proud of who I have become?” I have yet to find my answer. I have many thoughts, many plans – all stuck in this wee two bit head of mine, waiting to be downloaded.

Something is holding me back. Something is keeping me from moving forward. I do know what it is and I’m trying to wrap my head around it so that I can be unwrapped from it.

Maybe Ben is right – Why do I always have to seek to change the whole world? Why can I not be satisfied if what I do today, this minute, this moment, can help change the life of just one?

I do not have the answers for those questions. Not yet at least. All I know is this for now ~ I don’t want to be blind again. Not when I see and read of so many folks who really see the light and is living being led by it. And because I do not want to be blind again, I do have to find the answers to those two questions.

I'd sooner buy defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye ~ I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down