Multiplication

I have opened and shut this page for the umpteenth time as I wait for our final candidate of the season to conclude his interview.

It's been a long season - the longest I think in the existence of this business. But something tells me it's worth the wait, the anxiety and the unbelievable amount of time spent on the phone and email. I have to believe that it will pay off cos if it doesn't, I'm just as good holding a live grenade in my hands.

I cannot believe though that I am picking this day to say out-loud that I'm overwhelmed. Yes, I am. Stressed doesn't underpin this emotion but overwhelm does. And I should have recognised it as it is a long time ago - after all, hasn't been "Defying Gravity" the theme song for the last 2 months?

The realisation of how far I have come, and how much further I have to go (when one thinks this is the pinnacle!) is blowing me away.

Life is an un-ending cycle, I know that. There never really is a finish line. It's like a relay - you get from one pass-point to another, except you're always the other runner waiting with his or her hands for the baton. Foolish me to think that at the end of this run, I'm done and home-free. There.Is.No.Such.Thing!

Especially if next year I do not want a repeat of tomorrow. And just what is tomorrow? The Sports Day of both my kids. Woo-Hoo you say? Yeah - woo-hoo indeed, except that they go to different schools. And so, unless I am able to miraculously wake up and find that I have physically and mentally split into another ME, one is going to be disappointed when the sun sets tomorrow.

It's things like these that gets to me. Things like knowing for a fact that one goes to a fee-paying school and another has to sweat the day out in an un-airconditioned classroom. That when my friends call me for lunch, half the time I shouldn't go cos I'm never the one reaching out to take the bill. Cos honestly, half the time, our lunch bill is massive enough to cover my entire month's grocery bill. That when the school holidays come round, everyone can make plans and take vacation days cos they are going off somewhere. But my vacation days are taken so my folks have a break from minding the kids. And yes, we stay home and veg out on the carpet in front of the telly.

As you can see, I can go on-and-on-and-on on the wee many things that overwhelm me. And no matter how I keep telling myself that it's just a few more months (6!), then the sun will come out and things will be alright. Or if not alright, at least better.

The road is long, windy and I cannot see the exit sign.

Perhaps multiplying me might not be such a good idea after all. This is not a scenario where the more is merrier. Having more simply means an extrapolation of the things that have been overwhelming me.

And we really do not need any more of those.