Love & Other Disasters

I apparently look like a panda today. Probably didn't help that I wore a white shirt to work as well - adds to the paleness of it all. And this was all because I decided at a late hour that I should get off my bum and burn some calories. The rush of adrenalin, plus a too-light a dinner kept me awake till 6 am this morning.

A few good things came out of that sleepless nights in the Heights though and they are:

1) No scary monsters. Yups you heard me. I did not lay there with my mind falling over itself. I even calmly drew on the realisation that it was already Thursday and to brace myself for yet another disappointed weekend. THOUGH when that bracing came up - it was more of a "ah - I would not be surprised!"

2) Love & Other Disasters. There's something about satellite telly - they show all these really corny movies in the dead of the night. They definitely have their audience segmentation squared off right. A light-hearted romantic comedy, full of gay people, not only was it a nice dose of walking down the streets of London (with a prolong  scene at Bank Tube Station), it also had a lot of truths.

One of those 'truths' would be that we all have this image in our heads - of perfection, of fantasy, of the un-real. It is more often than not, what we use to over-shadow what we're running away from. In the case of the movie, the lead character, Jacks (girl) decides that she would only be with gay men cos she feels safe from them, and that the chap she has actually fallen for is gay (hot-blooded Argentian gay? An utter waste!!). Just so she cannot really be hurt by them.

When she finds out that assumed-gay-dude is actually straight, she flips as only Brittany Murphy can. Yet she comes to realise that nothing has changed - he is still the same person that he was before. If ever, the only thing that has changed is her own perception, her own 'coming to terms with'.

We all hate confrontations. I know I do. I would cleanly sweep things under the carpet, just so I can avoid a look-me-in-the-eye-and-talk situation. So in truth, the last week of silence (again!) has been a quiet respite for me. Yes, I did wonder just that little bit. But it did followed quickly with a *phew* that's one more day of not-having-to-face-up-to-the-music. And there was that lil hope that email-in-question might have not been read as yet. Though with the choice of words received today, it appears that I would have no such luck...

Well, what's done is done and there can be no avoiding it over dinner on Sunday. As I told Mandy earlier this week when she asked if I got a reply - if I know receiver as I think I do, any answers (good or bad) would never come in the form of an email. He is not that sort of person to take my words, throw it back in my face and leave things as it is. 

Part of me was kinda hoping that the silence was actually an answer, which would then mean it would have been the bad answer. And perhaps deep, deep, deep down, I was hoping for this to be it. Just so that it would be another piece of 'evidence' to say that I didn't know him as I thought I did ~ justification, rationalisation, call it whatever it may be.

So yeah, since there is no avoiding it, I had better sit myself down and really think once and for all, what the hell it is I'm gonna say. Cos these sort of conversations - just not done if it has to be done twice.

Love and all other disasters indeed!