For me.. just this once

If you're reading this, know that you're privilleged to share in my joy of having landed a new position that I want, and can do well. It is a position with a very clear cut career path that would see me running the ship by 2010 - 2 years away. As the Bear says - it's my rocket to the moon.

I can't help but recall Pup's words in his blog. That people who blog are at most times, lonely, unhappy and needing to reach out. I have always said I blog cos I need to empty my head into what another friend calls my mental box. But this morning, when the sun should be shining god-damn-brightly for me, I have but to agree with Pups.

I should be jumping for joy. And everyone else who knows me and loves me, should be feeling the same joy for me. Lord knows the last one year has been absolute shite and the last few months have been nothing but hard-work, heartache and a whole lot of butt-shagging. But I am not.

I am sitting here, crying tears of disappointment cos the folks at home seem to be less than happy or estatic. I am deflated. I am disheartened. Again, I feel let-down.

I am thinking how I am going to go over in a while and sit and be non-chalant about it, when all I want to scream out is this:

Why can't you be proud of me and my achievements for once?! Is it so bloody hard? Don't you see how good I am at what I do? Why do strangers, absolute strangers see the value in me, but you who gave birth to me and brought me up, do not? What do I have to do to finally win your approval?!

For me.. just this once - give me some sign that you understand how hard I have to work each time, to hit the ground running.

For me.. just this once - acknowledge that I am not always the warrior by luck, but thru sheer grit and determination.

For me.. just this once - tell me that I do make you proud.