Spare Me

Ah.. There’s something about catastrophe that makes one more conscious of how much difference a second, a minute and an hour makes. How at the break of dawn, the world is bright and shiny.. and at the end of the same day, it's gone all dark and twisted.

Okay, so fine – maybe I’m being all melodramatic and red-hat about the current state of affairs. So maybe I am tossing my green, yellow and blue hats out the window. And I am surely ignoring the fact that there is a white hat lying somewhere around.

As I sit here, in a corner of my restaurant (well, not exactly mine, but who cares?!) this is me saying, I’m done fighting battles I cannot, nor want to, win.

It is sad though, that things have come to such a turn. When I give in and give up the fight, contrary to what everyone else thinks I should do. The song from Depeche Mode comes to mind – Try walking in my shoes ~ I bet you’ll stumble and you’ll fall.

A few nights ago, I wrote that my staff at work was one of the 3 reasons I had to smile. On this sunny but bleak day, some of them still are. And while it may be a handful only, it justified my thought last night that everyone deserves the benefit of doubt.

I have always said – I love my job. I love what I do here. And so it is with much sadness that I’m moving away from it. But I have to. I should. Before it consumes me like a love-hate affair and eats into my soul. And by George, the money's not good enough for me to sell my soul to the Devil.

Without passion, loyalty and commitment, it really pointless to carry things on in a manner that makes everyone in the room look like the utter fool. How would I know that I’m there? Simple – if I could hang up my phone when my Italian boss is talking to me – Lecturing in fact! – The relationship has definitely strained beyond the point of redemption.

As I look around me, I have very little to ask except this: I’ve already given up the game.

So please ~ Spare me all your drama and let me live out these days, creating nothing but good memories. Maybe that way, I can learn to forgive myself for my abilities that form my pride and joy, but which you have turned and used against me.

Climb up over the top.
Survey the state of the soul.
You've got to find out for yourself whether or not you're truly trying.
Why not give it a shot?
Shake it.
Take control and inevitably wind up
Find out for yourself all the strengths you have inside of you.

I will rise above this. One.Fine.Day. By myself, without the help of anyone else. Cos even on that note, I'd say - Spare me. I've taken enough crap to know that there is no such thing as Be there for the Good, be there for the Bad.

There's only be there WHEN it suits you.