Under~Stand

It was a disturbed sleep night. Can't say I am well rested at all. So I am very thankful that today is a holiday and that my brother has taken the kids to the beach for a break. I guess that is what happens when one goes to bed fuming and raging.

un⋅der⋅stand ~ verb (used witah object)

1. To perceive the meaning of; grasp the idea of; comprehend
   
2. To be thoroughly familiar with; apprehend clearly the character, nature, or subtleties of
   
3. To assign a meaning to; interpret
   
4. To grasp the significance, implications, or importance of
   
5. To regard as firmly communicated; take as agreed or settled
   
6. To learn or hear
   
7. To accept as true; believe
   
8. To construe in a particular way
   
9. To supply mentally (something that is not expressed)
   

With a clear head this morning, waking up to a drizzle (correct me if I'm wrong, but our weather's gone way wonky hasn't it?), I have been trying to wrap my head around the whole concept of "dishonesty" and "betrayal". On one hand, I cannot get past the fact that given countless opportunities to wipe the slate clean, it wasn't taken. WHAT GIVES?! Yet on the other, I can fully comprehend... no wait, there is nothing that I can comprehend. 

Carrying on from late last night, I suppose I can say that I am anger and upset because I was the greater fool. And that doesn't sit well at all with me. And to have someone can make light of having misplaced my trust so easily and callously, just adds fuel to the fire.

I am sick and tired of all these half-truths. Truly - it wears me down more than anyone else can fathom. It doesn't throw me into a spiral of despair, but it does dig up a whole dejavu sensation of "having been there and done that."

Yes, I am having severe beef with something so trivial. But that's because I have been taken on one ride too many, and honestly - I am perfectly capable of driving myself off the edge of the cliff.

So do me a damn favour and stop jumping on the hood!