Today has been a wonky day. So wonky, almost each of my staff asked me out for a ciggarette break. One of them even insisted I go have my BP checked again (that would be twice in 4 days) cos he said my face looked strained.
I am strained. Jay calls it "self-imposed misery". Everyone else who has known me longer would just say it's Barbs being Barbs. Hell - I'm having yet another battle in my head, of course I'm strained!
I have tried to break out of this whinging and bemoaning (actually I have not done much of it!!)... had a fun lunch at the Galleria with Adam and Ian - teasing Ian to high heavens and even finishing an entire slice of cheesecake... sat thru 90 minutes of some departmental management exercise on perception and made it hilarious with answers like "The Staff is King" and emoticons thrown in as illustrations to each of my answers....
Yet... nothing feels right. Not even sitting here at home before 7. Not even cruising thru evening traffic without having to really stop-go-stop. Truly.. someone's stole my bounce and sold it to the Far East. And I am a bit lost as to how to ransom it back.
There seems to be only one solution to all this bad-ju-ju. A simple enough solution but which is one I refuse to take. Mandy was and is right. But I also have every right to preserve myself. Pickle it, can it and store it at the back of the cupboard.
If that is really so, what I want to do, as the Bear says... then why is it that there is one smile that I seek?!
I think I should stop thinking for the rest of the day, finish up my drink, smoke my last fag and turn off the lights and sleep.
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