No, I'm not well.

My café had its testing and commissioning this afternoon. What a joke it turned out to be. It never fails to mystify me how people who earn tens and thousands of dollars suddenly become absolute greed-heads when they have the provision of free food and drinks. What was meant to be a closed testing for 10, max 15 persons turned out to be an absolute 90 minutes from hell of 60 persons, which each person wanting the best and most expensive drink on the menu and a selection of each food category available.

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We also had this round-table discussion at the office in the afternoon on what sort of values and behaviour we wanted our department to hold as our personal set of rules when it comes to work. Among them includes integrity, ethics, no double-standards, personal hygiene (??!!), pro-activeness and needless to say, accountability.

I am having a quick chuckle as I reflect on that hour-long session cos just 3 hours later, my big boss broke one of them when he sent me an email that was unwarranted, and definitely unwanted on a day like today. To cut the long story short, he basically sarcastically accused me on being a non-team player cos I had sent him and the lady boss an email on steps that my crew has come up with to resolve the 60 people / 90 minutes of hell situation tomorrow. I was apparently “drawing lines and boundaries and not allowing other people to give their inputs.” I am miffed cos I think I was being pro-active and being accountable for the mess that ensued today on the shop floor.

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I have an 8.30 am meeting with the lady boss of the department. I have been summoned. I am thinking of my strategy in going into this meeting cos I know at the end of it, I might as well just walk in there, drop my pants, lean over her desk and say “Fuck me in the arse why don’tcha?!” And here’s the thing – it’s gonna be 90% about how I didn’t provide a low-fat milk option and why there were so many people at the testing.

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My colleague tried ringing me twice as I drove home. His girlfriend and him were dining around my area and he thought to ask me to join them cos he knows if I went home without dinner, I would end up not eating. It’s heart-warming to know that someone I’ve only known for a couple of months, can recognize the times when I need to be not alone and thought of sharing his private time with his lady, with me – the colleague from the office. My best buddy dines around here often enough with his girlfriend as well. But never once have I been asked along. Goes to show then yeah – friendship labels don’t go very far when you need it most.

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I need to get some time off somehow to get my foot looked at by a foot doctor, nice and proper. Not in the corridor of my kitchen when the lunch crowd is going in and out. The swelling has not gone done and now I can’t even run. Yeah – tried it this afternoon and ended up clutching the banister, wincing in pain. Well, I tell myself – maybe after a month or two, the foot will die on me and I’ll have to have it chopped off.

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All this – all these paragraphs above, would normally not be on my blog. It would have normally been in an email (or a few, depending) sometime thru today to the one person I talk to about everything (almost!) under the sun. It’s here cos that’s somehow stopped. And that was the thought heaviest on my mind as I trudged out of that hell’s hole earlier at quarter past 8. How long the days have become and how laden I feel at the end of it.

And how I miss my sounding board.

When is this all gonna end? The work? The misery? The living hell? The sadness?

Trust me when I say that I am not prolonging my misery just for the sake of having something to blog about when I get home.

It's not funny at all.