Tears from onion peeling...

Now I see the time we had before
Is just a passing moment

That we can't share anymore.

I am one of those people, who, while on one hand is able to mix well with people – be the ultimate PR officer, is on the other hand, a complete recluse when it comes to what’s going on in my head.

And I've learned that

Written words are not the same

As when you take the time to say it

And let the clouds release the rain.

It takes hell of a lot for me to come out right and speak my mind on matters concerning me. I realize that now, and I also realize that when I do, it is usually when I am at my lowest. When nothing can hurt me any further, than I am already hurting.

And I say one thing each day

Before I lay me down

I thank god for your sweet smile

Although you're not around

I am also one of those people, not built to be alone. Some people can heck it, find things to occupy their time with. I am unfortunately, not one of such souls. Try as I may to isolate myself in a vacuum of work, I am slowly collapsing underneath the weigh of this self-imposed exile.

And I can't overcome
Your memory in my mind
It's a bridge I'll never cross
Until the end of time

And it is for this reason that I have been silent for the last 48 hours or so. And it is for this reason that I went and sat by myself for a good hour or so in the basement of my work building, where the I cannot be reached and cried over this barrier that I have built about myself.

As I sit here now, tired as hell from a day of grocery shopping, peeling onions and cooking up a storm yet again, I think I have to sit for a long while tonight and ponder what is it that I want for myself.

And I wish my dreams alone

Would bring back my old friends

Yesterday's just something

I can't mend

For I cannot keep going back and forth in this manner. One fine day soon, if I completely lose it, I’m gonna have no qualms at all about leaving here and never coming back. And that’s gonna hurt so many people who do not deserve to be hurt, least of all by me.

I told my mum last night as I had a slice of pizza for dinner at her insistence.. that I was so very tired. That life was not fair. That why was it some people didn’t have to strive very hard and got everything that they wanted. Yet, no matter how hard I try, I never seem to get what I want.

It was not fair of me to unload it all on my mum. And as she blinked back tears of sadness for me, she said brokenly that she knew how I was struggling with life but that I should hold on cos God will smile on me one day soon.

'Cause I've broke down for my lost father

And I've cried for sister, too

I wish I could tell mum everything. But even skimming the surface already brought on so much hurt for her.

I guess I’ll just have to keep it all in then. Cos if Momma can’t handle the pain of me, no one else would.

Now my tears fall down for you

For you