It's not all that hard to understand me. That's the conclusion I have come to today.
Occassionally I go into this cycle where nothing I do is right enough for me to the ones around me. And in the midst of that, I tend to live my life as if it is short and I died yesterday.
Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
Yesterday is a promise that you’ve broken
Yesterday is a kid in the corner
Yesterday is dead and over
Some of those closest to me have learnt how to just let me be and slowly test the waters to see if I have come out of it. And then there are some, who after a while, just plain gives up. And so, I don't like it when it happens. But it does and it's ugly cos I become this mean person who doesn't give two-hoots about how damaging I can be.
Don’t close your eyes
This is your life
And today is all you’ve got now
Sen once told me that I can become so difficult to talk to. And today, somebody else close to me said the same thing. And I am sitting here wondering if it's me subconsciously pushing people closest to my heart away.
Are you who you want to be?
Is it everything you dreamed that it would be?
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose?
And no, this is not who I wanted to be. I did not for a moment in growing up, anticipate that life would get like this.
There are lines that I have sworn never to cross, yet I find myself tempted to. There are people whom I have sworn to always cherish, yet I find myself saying things just to incite spite in them. There are levels which I have sworn I would never stoop to, yet I find myself going way that low just to get thru another day.
How do I get back to where I once stood? Please - tell me. I'm so lost you would not believe me if I told you the half of it!
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