My Rock

As the deer pants for streams of water,

so my soul pants for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?

I’m not really what one would call religious. In fact, about a year ago, when my dad first published his book on his Faith Journey, a colleague had asked me – how did such religious parents have a child such as me.

My tears have been my food day and night,

while men say to me all day long,

"Where is your God?"

I may not lead the life of a saint, nor abide words inscribe in the Bible as the Ten Commandments. But I have always stressed that I do know who my Anchor is and where my Rock lies.

These things I remember as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go with the multitude,
leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng.

Tis no secret that the days at work has been a bundle of turmoil, and the nights at home has been less than peaceful. And just the other day, Loic-ky asked me how I could believe that God exists when all things bad had happened to me.

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,

for I will yet praise him,

my Savior and my God.

My soul is downcast within me;

therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan,

the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.

Now, religion has been a topic that I have refrained from expanding my thoughts upon, as I have always held firm the belief – To each their own. Yet tonight, there is a deep sense of peace that has not been felt in a very long time.

Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers have swept over me.

Maybe it’s cos I went home to mum’s and dad’s, had dinner with Lydia and Luke.

By day the LORD directs his love,

at night his song is with me—

a prayer to the God of my life.

Maybe it’s cos I only spent 7 hours at work and this week is a short week.

I say to God my Rock,
"Why have you forgotten me?

Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?"

Or maybe.. just maybe… I know that I’m not alone, and have not been alone thru it all.

My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long, "Where is your God?"

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,

my Savior and my God.

I’m glad my mum led me to this Psalm at our family altar tonight before I left. While it may not have given me the answers that I seek, it has given me the assurance that my thoughts not said out loud, have been heard.

My prayer(s) had been heard. I was told so in this subtle manner. And with time, patience and faith… it will all pan out the way that’s been planned. Just like everything else that has been with my life.

Strange isn’t it – to see this side of me so seldom shown.