I think I spend by far too much time thinking about things I should not be, and neglecting living life as it should be. It struck me in a moment today as I sat in my soon-to-be opened restaurant that “living life” means to live in the NOW and not in the THEN. And while I know what I need to do to move from Then to Now, I cannot seem to be able to take that first step.
I thought that by accepting life as it is, Fate might finally be conned into believing It has beaten me and decide to give me a break instead. It occurred to me today that there may be a lot of things that is within my power to change, but Fate is not one of them. And that I will continue to be one of its toys, stuffed in its pocket where it will take me out to fiddle around with, when it feels like.
I won the respect of people much more learned than I am, and of people with much more experience than I can pool together. All just by being myself – honest, affirmative, accepting and giving. Yet, today all those things don’t mean very much to me cos the prize that I seek still eludes me. And day in, day out… I fight another battle.. hoping that for once, the announcer would finally say that I won that one.
I lost sight of my goal, the objective which I had settled on obtaining for the year, the first half of the year. Lost it absolutely and utterly, even after knocking my head hard to drum it in. And today, I realize that soon, I’m likely to be losing my sanity and hold of life yet again.
I thought that by accepting life as it is, Fate might finally be conned into believing It has beaten me and decide to give me a break instead. It occurred to me today that there may be a lot of things that is within my power to change, but Fate is not one of them. And that I will continue to be one of its toys, stuffed in its pocket where it will take me out to fiddle around with, when it feels like.
I won the respect of people much more learned than I am, and of people with much more experience than I can pool together. All just by being myself – honest, affirmative, accepting and giving. Yet, today all those things don’t mean very much to me cos the prize that I seek still eludes me. And day in, day out… I fight another battle.. hoping that for once, the announcer would finally say that I won that one.
I lost sight of my goal, the objective which I had settled on obtaining for the year, the first half of the year. Lost it absolutely and utterly, even after knocking my head hard to drum it in. And today, I realize that soon, I’m likely to be losing my sanity and hold of life yet again.
There is chaos in this roller-coaster ride. But unlike the amusement game, I did not engineer this track. And so, I do not know when the highs will drop and where the twists are.
I think... I thought... I won... I lost... *Sigh*
Please Sir, I’ve had enough of this ride. I wanna get off before I have enough and release the safety bar myself. But until that happens, I'll just hang on.. for just a lil bit more... For the highs have so far been much better than the lows.
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