Glum without gum

What's worse ~ new wounds which are so horribly painful?
OR old wounds that should have healed years ago and never did?

The following is an excerpt of my thoughts from a year ago..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The last one month, I have been living like an ostrich, keeping my head in the sand whenever something I don't like comes my way. Occasionally, I do poke my head out, to sniff about, but darting back in is what I have become good at.

It is good at times to know what the hell is going on, especially when the truth is an ugly dragon, waiting to bite me again in the arse. It's my stop-gap measure until I think I am ready to live and breathe amongst the living once again. Because being amongst the living would mean that I would be subjecting myself to external elements, of which I have no control of, particularly that of the state of mind and emotions.

In putting all these down, it is a statement that I am still around and I still know what the hell is going on with me, my life and I. Though I may seemed warped up, I am not. It is there, at the back of my head, in a cloud following me around. I am not that screwed up. Nor am I so insulated I do not feel happiness and joy, sadness and pain.

I am simply screwed in. But no worries mate - it ain't stewing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A year on, I can't confidently say anymore that I am simply screwed in and that it ain't stewing.

Maybe our old wounds teach us something ~ they remind us where we've been and what we've overcome.

Life seemed so bleak a year ago. And I remember telling myself that if I fast-forward a year ahead, everything would be fine.

They teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future. That's what we like to think. But that's not the way it is, is it?

I am here. Now. A year ahead.

Some things we just have to learn - over, and over, and over again.

I must have been a dum-dum to have believed myself then.