I must be getting old. For I am getting so horribly sentimental. Either that, or the honest truth that I have been shutting myself out to the point that it's spilling over.
I have stayed away from unleashing the thoughts in my head, simply because I did not want to think about things that make me sad, melancholic and weary. Life is hard enough as it is and I should not have to add on to it by my own thoughts.
Sometimes for the last few weeks, I find myself consciously focussing all the thoughts in my heads, all the emotions in my heart and chanelling it out in the way most unbelievable, that even I am surprised by how good I could be at this thing called acting.
We can all live a life of great pretense. Go through the motions of work and play in a 3rd person sense of things and hey - it's another dawn and another day. Keep going till you're ready to drop on your feet, and it ain't all that hard.
But this is the thing, I could say that... I cannot remember the last time I had real reason to smile... I cannot remember the last time I used my sunglasses to really hide out the glare of the sun, and not to hide the life-lessness in my eyes.. I cannot remember the last time I had a real conversation with someone, not hiding between the lines...
The sad truth would be that I do. I do remember all those times ...But I really shouldn't.
And so I should just live life eyes wide shut but unopened.
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