I was asked “What are the signs of depression?” just. It was a text received that was both puzzling – Am I THE expert on depression because 1) I work in a hospital or 2) I’ve gone thru so many cycles of it, I’m the expert on it, and sad cos it came from someone who I would only want to see smiling.
But in any case, the clinical signs of depression are:
- Exhaustion on waking
- Disrupted sleep, sometimes through upsetting dreams
- Early morning waking and difficulty getting back to sleep
- Doing less of what they used to enjoy
- Difficulty concentrating during the day
- Improved energy as the day goes on
- Anxious worrying and intrusive upsetting thoughts
- Becoming emotional or upset for no particular reason
- Shortness of temper, or irritability
If I was asked my honest opinion, I would say that person who asked, is not depressed. Sure, thoughts go round and round and round like a broken DVD in the head, but that’s only cos it’s all stuck in there and we’re searching, seeking for answers despite knowing that answers are not our solution.
I know where he’s coming from... wasn’t too long ago that I was rolling on my balcony after 4 valiums and half a bottle of vodka. And it sucks big time, yeah ~ you’d almost wish you could rip your head off and stash it at the back of the closest so you don’t have to deal with it.
Cos when it’s there, stuck to the rest of you, you cannot help but recall how it felt to actually feel as that your life has some form of meaning apart from work and family.. to know that what you do, think or say matters to someone who is not directly obligated to accept… And to have that all taken away, especially when you’ve put yourself out there.. it’s not the Thing that we all expect would happen to us.
When it happens, we hurt in a way that we thought we’d remember. But it never is the case is it? This “learning from experience” and “what doesn’t kill ya, only makes ya stronger” crap. And so we feel stupid about ourselves, thinking "I should have known better" and we feel let down with the "after all that.. how could you?!"
There can be a thousand and one ways I could suggest to get thru this, daily...until one day you wake up and find that you can smile again. Unfortunately, there is no quick fix. So far, I’m about as far down the list as I can go, ending with my 3 very nasty things to be done in one night and to do it consciously whilst saying “heck care” and “just do it!” And it bloody doesn't work either. You only end up feeling 1) ill, 2) even more stupid and 3) hallowed out.
Said person has read enough of my blog to know that one of my favourite line is the one which goes like this “Everybody leaves ME at the end of the day, so why should we even bother in the first place.” Given he’s been on the receiving end of that statement as well, his reply to me has always been that “if you don’t give life a chance, you’re not being fair.” And as such, it was harrowing to hear it said out loud that you’ve told yourself "never to get into these situations and to have gone against it yourself.”
I’m a bit at a loss. Not too sure if my friend would prefer it if I allowed him to wallow and waddle thru this puddle and just being there… or to be the firm one and say “Snap out of it”.
Life’s a funny thing… fate and destinies are even funnier…and we’re helpless to their humour. All we can do is lie a little in it, and then suck it up and go on. It’s not easy, I know. And because you're not a robot and you have emotions, you are allowed time to wallow, rant, break things, cry, go silent.
*Sigh* All I can say is this - if you can, don’t let it grow into maggots in your head cos it will begin to eat into your soul. And that’s a beautiful soul you have there and a wonderful heart as well. And it would be a shame to see pieces of it being eaten away.
And so, it is the great hope of this person who cares a great deal about you, that you do not let this set you back so much that you become like her… for life lived the way she’s doing it now, is just not worth it – not when you have so much to receive from the world that you live in.
I know where he’s coming from... wasn’t too long ago that I was rolling on my balcony after 4 valiums and half a bottle of vodka. And it sucks big time, yeah ~ you’d almost wish you could rip your head off and stash it at the back of the closest so you don’t have to deal with it.
Cos when it’s there, stuck to the rest of you, you cannot help but recall how it felt to actually feel as that your life has some form of meaning apart from work and family.. to know that what you do, think or say matters to someone who is not directly obligated to accept… And to have that all taken away, especially when you’ve put yourself out there.. it’s not the Thing that we all expect would happen to us.
When it happens, we hurt in a way that we thought we’d remember. But it never is the case is it? This “learning from experience” and “what doesn’t kill ya, only makes ya stronger” crap. And so we feel stupid about ourselves, thinking "I should have known better" and we feel let down with the "after all that.. how could you?!"
There can be a thousand and one ways I could suggest to get thru this, daily...until one day you wake up and find that you can smile again. Unfortunately, there is no quick fix. So far, I’m about as far down the list as I can go, ending with my 3 very nasty things to be done in one night and to do it consciously whilst saying “heck care” and “just do it!” And it bloody doesn't work either. You only end up feeling 1) ill, 2) even more stupid and 3) hallowed out.
Said person has read enough of my blog to know that one of my favourite line is the one which goes like this “Everybody leaves ME at the end of the day, so why should we even bother in the first place.” Given he’s been on the receiving end of that statement as well, his reply to me has always been that “if you don’t give life a chance, you’re not being fair.” And as such, it was harrowing to hear it said out loud that you’ve told yourself "never to get into these situations and to have gone against it yourself.”
I’m a bit at a loss. Not too sure if my friend would prefer it if I allowed him to wallow and waddle thru this puddle and just being there… or to be the firm one and say “Snap out of it”.
Life’s a funny thing… fate and destinies are even funnier…and we’re helpless to their humour. All we can do is lie a little in it, and then suck it up and go on. It’s not easy, I know. And because you're not a robot and you have emotions, you are allowed time to wallow, rant, break things, cry, go silent.
*Sigh* All I can say is this - if you can, don’t let it grow into maggots in your head cos it will begin to eat into your soul. And that’s a beautiful soul you have there and a wonderful heart as well. And it would be a shame to see pieces of it being eaten away.
And so, it is the great hope of this person who cares a great deal about you, that you do not let this set you back so much that you become like her… for life lived the way she’s doing it now, is just not worth it – not when you have so much to receive from the world that you live in.
Like the picture on the left - right now, you're like a broken bottle.. but over time, with patience and with care, you'll mend back together again.
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