Capping 2007...

I know.. There’s still some 3 days to go of 2007 and this type of posting should really take place at the very last day of the year. But you know what… there’s so much bad-ju-ju going on, I am hoping that by capping the year off early, I’d be able to put a stop to any more dramas and send the year off in a quiet fashion.

This is a year that really puts the other 31 years before it to shame. And we’ll try to give it the credit it deserves as we go along..

January – Time to say Goodbye

Time to say goodbye
To countries I never saw and shared with you,
Now, yes, I shall experience them
I'll go with you on ships across seas
Which, I know, exist no longer;
It's time to say goodbye

It may only be some 300 days ago, but I honestly cannot remember how I ushered the New Year in. Guess it’s a sign of growing old. But nonetheless, I suppose January should be remembered as the month where I signed my former life at Fairview away and had my fingers, ears and toes crossed for bigger and better things to come with my present job.

February – Wasted Passion

Can you forgive me again?
I don't know what I said
But I didn't mean to hurt you

Ah February – the month of love, hearts, roses and what-have-you-not. It would always be the month where in 28 days, I learnt that passion placed on work is definitely mis-placed passion. For as I slowly tied up any loose ends that needed to be tied up, I realize that 4 years of my life was more or less wasted on a building and someone else’s dream. And that when you turn your back on that dream, it’s akin to taking a scissors and giving the thin thread a snip with more strength than is required.

March – Of Drunken Days and Lousy Leisure

I can't say that I'm not lost and at faultI
can't say that I don't love the light and the dark
I can't say that I don't know that I am alive
And all of what I feel I could show you tonight

As I look back on March, I am somewhat amazed at how I could be so foolish and mis-guided at times. Evenings and nights spent in clubs, pubs and anywhere that had the license to serve alcohol. Sure – it’s good at times to eat, drink and be Mary.. but to think that I thought that was all life had to offer – God! What the hell was I thinking?! But hey – if it wasn’t for March, I would never have discovered the Chemical Shooter.

April – Ever Onward

Sleep, don't weep, my sweet love
My face it's all wet 'cause my day was rough
So do what you must do to find yourself

April is somewhat of a blur. All I can remember of it would be the lunches I took to having by the park and watching the world go by, the many sleepless night. It was also the birth month of my new blog – the one place I go to, to release everything that lies dormant but raging in my head. God! That was good. Really good!

May – Learning to Breathe

Life is beautiful, but it's complicated,
We barely make it.
We don't need to understand,
There are miracles.

Maybe it’s because it’s always bright here in Malaysia, we do not appreciate the full extent of the start of the Spring season. I suppose I will always look back fondly on the month of May where a warm breeze blew my way and God decided that Hey – this girl needs a break from all the crap. Right up to this day, I am still counting my blessings in the small ways that it comes.

June – Mad Hatter

And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, boys
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe…

It was dark.. and it was quiet.. I sat there on my best bud’s porch and broke his flower pot. June, alas, is best committed to the vault of things we’d best not remember, ever. And that’s all we’ll say to that.

July – The Falling

I tried to be someone else,
but nothing seemed to change
I know now this is who I really am inside.

I have a tendency to leave when things go bad inside my head. If I had to really think about, I would say July would be the month of mammoth departures – attempted or otherwise. It was a sad month.. another one of those that I would not to remember.. Too many long hours spent seated on my balcony and talking to the moon… And I still didn’t find myself. But hey – in all that madness, I also attempted to seriously quit smoking and was rather successful for a spell.

August – Making me feel brand new

Maybe I'm amazed at the way
you pulled me out of time
And hung me on a line
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you

I have never really been big on birthdays – especially my own. But August 2007 made a big difference. If there has to be one day I would choose to remember – it would be the 28th. Best damn birthday of my life ever! And it’s all thanks to one particular individual. Amazed – STILL, I am.

September – World Falling Down

Well maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you

Ah – the end of summer.. and boy was it a long wait that was over, with the return of Grey’s Anatomy Season 4. I mean, it was sheer torture – waiting and hanging in mid-air, not knowing what was going to happen after “It’s over… So over.” But yeah… as the month turned, on hindsight, sometimes it’s better not to know. That way, we don’t have to call ourselves Chicken Little.

October – Moments of Truth

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?

October was the start of the move of my kids out of the house. From staying out one night a week, they went to coming home one night a week. But the most poignant moment to be remembered of October, would be of the longest email conversation I’ve ever had, and I think anyone would ever have. And then of the world falling down.

November – Devil’s Barrel

And I say one thing each day
Before I lay me down
I thank god for your sweet smile
Although you're not around

I guess when one sucks the gut in and holds their breath for a long time, it’s only a matter of days or moments before they explode. But you know what – when I laid there on my balcony floor, drunk out of my brains, my friends caught me from my fall. And yes - me and Pups close a chapter of our lives together and going our separate ways, somewhat. And that folks – was my November rain.

December – Across the Universe

Let me take you down,
Cos I'm going to Strawberry Fields
Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about
Strawberry Fields forever

This month seems to be not about me. Almost everyone I know well has taken on BJJ-transference. And while I should be grateful that for once the drama is not all mine, I felt pain in ways that I did not know. Helplessness. Lost. Almost makes one feel as though they have traverse the whole universe and gotten no where fast indeed.

Moving on...

But as we gear up to a brand new year, I cannot help but a bit awed with what 2007 has brought my way. And I have every reason to smile back in memory of it, this time next year. For many a good thing did happen, despite the fact that only a few months out of the year sounded happy. But those moments - it makes all the hell on earth worth putting up with. And it brings to mind this quote from Grey’s (where else!):

Who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begin?
It’s not on the calendar, it’s not a birthday, it’s not a new year.
It’s an event, big or small, something that changes us.
Ideally, that gives us hope,
a new way of living and looking at the world,
a way of letting go of old habits, old memories.
What's important is that we never stop believing
we can have a new beginning,
but it's also important to remember that,
amid all the crap,
there are a few things worth holding on to.

And yes – this year has plenty of reasons and a few people that I think are worth holding on to into the New Year.

If all were there when we first took the pill
Then maybe miracles will happen as we speak
But we're never gonna survive unless
We get a little crazy

So there you go folks – the epic posting of Chemical Shooter. Where if you stick around long enough while going thru the blue sour and bitter crap – the sweet comes rounds again. With just a hint of crazy.

May our ju-jus be all good
And the cocoa cup be always full
Happy 2008 y’all!