Strawberry fields of rabbit holes

I am wondering a bit today, about me, myself and I; of where my motivations stem from.

Living is easy with eyes closed
Misunderstanding all you see
It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out
~ It doesn't matter much to me

People often say to me that they won’t do something if they didn’t want to. Some days, I seem to comprehend clearly what it is exactly that they mean. But other days, I cannot seem to fathom the root meaning of that. And even then, would it be that bad of me, to do something I didn’t want to do, but felt obliged to one reason or another? Am I cheating anyone by doing so?

No one I think is in my tree
I mean it must be high or low
That is you can't you know tune in but it's all right
~ That is I think it's not too bad

Today is one such day. I should have just backed out of dinner. Instead, cos I didn’t want it to be said that I was a prude who was playing hard to get, I decided that it should be at MacDonalds (just cos it’s so casual, it could at best be considered having dinner together and not a date!) and I ranted about the horrible week at work. Add to it, I texted my girlfriend mid-way from under the table to call for “help.”

Always, no sometimes, think it's me,

But you know I know when it's a dream
I think I know I mean a "Yes" but it's all wrong
~ That is I think I disagree

Needless to say, I’m probably never gonna hear from this chap again (Hallelujah! Praise the Lord) .. I mean, I can’t even bring myself to send a text apologizing for my bad behaviour (ugly bitch would be what I would call it).

And as I sit here and write out my thoughts… I really don’t wanna deal with where my motivations come from tonight. Cos if I did.. I’d have to go kill myself, after Mandy is done stabbing me with a knife, over and over again.

Let me take you down,
Cos I'm going to Strawberry Fields
Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about
Strawberry Fields forever

And yes girl – you will knock me on the head, nice and good… it’s another rabbit-hole that I’m falling down into.