The Becoming

Here I am sitting here awaiting the download of the latest Grey’s Anatomy episode, entitled “Becoming”. With its return after a 6 week hiatus, the show has really taken on a turn. I’m not too sure what to expect, with another 3 episodes to go before the season’s finale. This season has been really, really confusing ~ it’s a little harder to identify, and not identify, with the characters of the show.

Change ~ letting go of the old and embracing the new.
Redefining who you are and struggling like crazy
to be that better version of yourself
that you see in your head.

According to the writer of the episode, it’s about “Becoming who you want to be, who you know you could be if you weren't quite so screwed up or preoccupied with kissing when you need to be thinking about surgery (or work for the rest of us).” Apparently, all the characters (and humans in general) are trying, really trying, to become these people they see in their head, the versions of themselves who are strong and successful and happy, their best selves.

While I have always said that life is not the goggle box we call tv, and as such, life should not be lived on a celluloid level, I cannot help but feel a very strong connection with Ms Grey and her crew. That there comes a point in time, that we have to sit up, and listen to ourselves – to what we want, where we’re heading and how we’re gonna get there.

Becoming is hard ~ it hurts like hell
And can cost you friends and lovers

and career advancement.

A lot of changes have been taking place in my life... from my impending departure from my current job, to a new one that’s suppose to take me sky-high… from coming to terms with certain characters in my life and learning to accept new ones in… from throwing myself into my work when I get home, to switching off and finding that there are other things to do besides work. All big changes, none of them baby steps.

Some will succeed, and others will fail.
But all of them will try.

It’s hard to discern which of these changes would be the biggest in terms of impact. All of them are rather profound and all will likely have good outcomes to it. The most surprising commonality of them all is this ~ that I am trying. Trying to see the good in each of these changes and embrace them.

Some of these changes I can take in my stride. But one of them scares the hell out of me, and it is the one that I have pushed to the very back of my head. Unfortunately it always creeps back up in on me. I suppose, I have improved on this area, in the sense that I have not gone and done a Barbsie-usual but still hanging in there.

I suppose at the end of the day, one has to take the leap of faith, somehow, somewhere and not think too much about it.

Because the alternative ~ standing still
Just.Isn't.An.Option.

Maybe someday, if I'm honest enough with myself, I might just come outloud and say it... who knows eh? Afterall, it's all about Becoming... Barbsie.