Friday, May 23, 2008

Distance and Freedom

My best buddy wrote this in his last email to me, a quote by some dude named Bacon ~ Dolendi modus, timendi non item. Apparently it means - To suffering there is a limit; to fearing, there is none. It has for some reason stuck in my mind. Quite possibly cos I think he’s trying to say something – in not so many words. And I can hazard a guess what it is… but question there then would be, do I want to?

Scream out all the ways you notice
The past is gone, forget what you had

My mum commented yesterday that quite possibly, I have lived alone for far too long, that I have made the sound of silence, the only sound I am now accustomed to. I am still finding it hard to believe that my mum, who rarely ever comments on my life, came up with that statement.

If you’re the only one who knows it
Then you can’t come back to me, I know

My girlfriend from school rung me up yesterday and recounted this scenario she is facing off with this chap. Apparently, he’s one of those she can live without. My question to her was this – if you can live without him, then why are you ringing me up to talk about him?! Why are you letting him bug the hell out of you and disrupting your disposition for the rest of the day?

Do whispers of lovers always hold your way
Underneath the tide in our minds?

Denial – Meredith Grey says it’s a bloody river. Those who live in it would without a doubt agree with her. Cos each and every day, each waking moment, you’re trying your damn best to swim against the current – consciously aware that the fight is already lost and you’re soon going to be carried away by the tide. Each and every moment, you’re consciously aware that you’re gonna reach a point where you have to decide if you’re gonna go with the flow, or die trying.

You say you believe in all this
But you can’t pretend for the sake of faith

I have to ask this out loud ~ is the view downstream that bad that we fight to stay up-stream? Is it so bad to lose control over where you end up being, that we strive to stay alive where we are? In an environment, where everything is moving, is fluid – can we really stay in a vacuum, in a bubble?

Are we the only ones who mean it?
For all you give you take from me

I am taking a moment to reflect upon the two profound statements that have been said to me in the last 48 hours, and the situation that my girlfriend is going thru. And I am thinking of my own expressed views to all of it… and asking, do I really mean it? Or did I say the replies I did cos it’s the expected, the known? How much do I believe in what I say? How much CAN I believe in what I say?

Don’t you wish you were?
Don’t you wish I was?
Something more than mystery to uncover

They say the only people who know you best are one’s mother and one’s best friend. The former, being that her blood runs within you and her heart beats for you. The latter because they are the ones who are there for you no matter what, good and bad.

Don’t you wish I was?
Don’t you wish we were?
Lovers without distance from each other

For all the truths in a lot of things thought, there is also one very blatant lie.

And I had wished you were
And I had wished we were
Lovers without distance from each other

They also say that acknowledgment is the key to recovery.

Would it? Is it?

Am I even ready to hazard finding the truth in either of them out?

Distance
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