Something's Gotta Give

WhiteBoy asked me this week, "Whatcha going to do when your kids come back and live with you?" My honest answer - I don't know. It's NOT the responsible parent thing to say, I know. But it's the honest truth.

Right now, they come home one night a week. One night a week where I sit with them, tuck them in, read them a story, give them their milk and share my bed when they get nightmares.

I wish I could give them more than just one night a week. It seems so not right, that they share the same amount of time that CindyMan has of my world, or even Bear, when we have our Foodie Fridays. It seems not right that my angels are on par with the rest of the people who are important, who should not be as important as they are.

But I'm not quite ready to grow up and go back to doing the whole full-time parenting thing either. Having been here for a while, I have grown quite fond of being able to head out for food or a drink or a drive, whenever I like, be it alone or with friends. I'm doing things that I used to do in my early 20s and I'm not ready to go back to the whole cooking and cleaning thingy again.

Maybe that's why CindyMan says I'm fearful, that I can't handle some things in life. That while I'm different, I'm really actually quite handicapped.

Something's gotta give, I know. What exactly, I haven't quite figured it out yet. I suppose in time, it will come to me, and I will do the right thing.

But NOW doesn't appear to be it.