I once wrote about an old friend of mine whom I was really close with when I was 16 – half a lifetime away. We’ve recently caught up with each other and in the space of the few months; I think we’ve found our rhythm again. Just spent the last hour on the phone with him (and I think we’ll call him Buds). I so would like to say it was just like before but it’s not. We’ve each evolved and become grownups. Needless to say, the things we talk about are no longer surrounding school, friends, etc but more towards ourselves.
He’s in town for the week and we’re catching up over dinner on Thursday with another old friend. He’s been kept abreast during the Barbsie Loaded week and the whole Monday thingy. But yet, while we’re meeting up in a few days, he thought it necessary to ring this evening and ask if I’m alright, if I’m happy. And how he thinks this whole FB thingy is just an utter load of BS.
I’m reveling in the joy of having a buddy who knows me so long and so well that he can ring and instead of saying “Hi, how are you?”, go straight into a “So tell me about what’s going on there?!” You have no idea how comforting that feels – especially as I reflect on the year past and the year forward. Add to that, the untimely realisation that it appears to be much more convenient to “catch up” on Barbsie by reading my blog, rather than picking up the phone to ring me, or using the time to drop me an email.
Author’s note:
I know time is very precious these days when turmoil and uncertainty reigns – but still?! Doesn’t quite make sense to me!
In line with this fact that Barbsie actually spent an hour on the phone, talking to someone on things not related with work, I cannot help but recall what I read on Yahoo today ~ a concept of communication called “Tennis” – you serve the ball, and wait for the serve to be returned.
It’s supposed to create an atmosphere of healthy communication – no one person dominates the flow and you return the play based on the move of the opponent. I have to say, this concept fascinates me quite a bit! Imagine – likening something that can be quite personal to a game! Maybe it fascinates me cos once again, I am learning to communicate – to speak, to listen. A bit hard to imagine, I know. But as most of my friends would say – I can talk about everything under the sun but never about myself. I’m a good orator but a lousy communicator.
Now having had some time to think about this concept, I must say, it is quite true. You can go into a game with a set of strategies but sometimes, all strategies can go out the window as well. How well the game turns out then moves towards how adaptable you are in changing and adjusting.
I’m not very good with change. I hate change, and in line with that - I love chaos cos chaos allows me to exact the actions needed to maintain status quo. And in the last month and a half, I have been deprived of chaos. Overtime, I have become a wee bit more flexible at adapting, but overall, it still resides in my nature to abhor change.
Author’s note:
Maybe that’s why I’m so bad at tennis cos I tend to be a baseline player, refusing to chase after the ball, no matter what.
The year of 32 appears to be nothing but a series of changes, which I agree are needful and necessary. A lot of people have come and gone in my life in the last year. If I had to name another year that was this momentous in featuring people, I can’t. Some relationships were re-established, like with Mandy moving back into town, with this dude that I spoke about above. Some relationships stabilized, like with Pups (and Nat) and with Bear. Some relationships evolved from one form to another with Garlic (who now wants to be known as Ballz here) and Whites, from colleagues to friends – good friends at that. And some relationships were formed in ways that took my breath away cos I had it lodged good in my head that we don’t make new bonds at our age that are strong from the onset.
Anyways, I have been tasked by Buds to go do something - some thinking to be precise (yes, I know – me being asked to THINK!!) and I’m suppose to update him on Thursday on what I’ve thought out. And I’m supposed to think like a real person, be honest-like and really think about that which I want. Even hand over the key-card and keys, if I thought that was what I wanted to do.
Author’s note:
I WON’T cos while it might save me a thump on the head from Buds, I’ll be thrashed and put in a bag by Ballz, Whites and Mandy. But more importantly it won't happen cos neither the giver nor recipient is ready for that! And once the card is given out, getting it back is gonna be a bitch from hell to do!
I suppose it’s ironic that Buds and I just had that conversation and for me to be having this other conversation right now with Monday. (Seeing how it’s Monday and I’m writing a blog, the conversation with Monday is not remotely even close to bunnies of any kind.) And today he got the brunt of the rain-checks cashed in, which is a first cos Barbsie has been nothing less than a nice, sweet, accommodating doll thus far – not the hell-raising witch that you know her primarily to be.
And that’s what the conversation is about – not the witch part (I did apologise for that), but the part of understanding that at this point in time, work takes priority over plans and self. And THAT we can do cos we’ve been there before – we know what it’s like. And I’m doing it the tennis way – throw a ball across and see what comes back.
I have a series of set-plays that I have been using (I’m so tempted to say my whole life)… but you know what – if they didn’t work before, why should I hang on to them? Why am I not trying out a new series of play? Cos the old strategy sure didn’t help put me where I am right now on that note and where I would like to be (which in itself is a darn good question of where!)
Buds thinks that since I screwed it up on the on-set, I should fix it if I want it. As he says – you win some, and you lose some but you don’t go anywhere by not trying. While I’m not sure what I want, I do know what I don’t want. Glass half full is better than glass half empty. And in line with half full - as I think to the year ahead (which is 17 days away *hint* *hint*), I think that’s what I wanna do for the year – give LIFE a try.
It might just surprise me, like it is now.
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