In life, the one thing we can be assured of is bad days. But as we grow older, we learn to variate the quantum of things. And thus, is born bad days and BAD DAYS.
And the stupid thing of it all is that today should actually be a good day – an exciting, exhilarating day. A day of “new”s. So why do I feel like someone threw a rock at me and this wee lil pebble is weighing me down?
Spoke at length to an old friend this morning ~ I didn’t think it was fair to pry him from the arms of his girlfriend at 2 in the morning. And I listed 3 things that are making this day a bad day. And his conclusion: I am terrorizing my own self.
We like to think we're fearless, eager to explore unknown lands
and soak up new experiences, but the fact is,
we're always terrified.
I have had 5 days to digest this BHAG, and 12 hours of having this BHAG thrust on to me. And while it is a BHAG, it is not to say it is not manageable. Nor is it financially scary. Hey – I don’t even have to put in any moolah! Just my time, brain cells (like I have any!) and mental support. Yet, I am in agony and anguish and wish I could crawl under a rock and hide while the search parties call my name.
Maybe the terror is part of the attraction.
Some people go to horror movies.
We cut things open.
Dive into dark water.
In the last 12 hours I have done a whole host of things, which contradicts my sentiments and emotions. I have googled. I have emailed for estimates and consults. I have set up the tarik sessions to explore possibilities.
In the next 24 hours, I would be doing more – putting down on paper bubbles of thoughts, ideas and action plans. And then I will mail it off and it would be in a span of 36 hours, more than the conceptualiser has done in his entire lifetime for his BHAG.
We don't always know what we're doing, but we act like we do.
We walk into a country, plant a flag and start ordering people around.
And this leads to what I am actually most terrified about. That it would be the bolt that instead of doing its job of tightening things up, will cause the entire mechanism to fail. That my professional strength might become my personal weakness.
Cos this is ME – throw me the ball and I run on the Get Go. If you say it has to be done, I’ll tell you it should have been done yesterday. I do not have an “OFF” button that you can push to slow me down. And I will invigorate you with my astutuity and I will terrify you with my pace. I will irritate you with my drive and you will frustrate me with your alternating lack of.
I have been here and done this before. And one reader can attest to it. So my question for today would be this:
It’s not if you can handle putting your dream into motion.
But rather, can you handle me when I’m at it?
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