Like a Phoenix

I have wasted an entire day, guzzling down vodka with apple juice ~ calling it food, alternating between ranting, raving and weeping. The skies are dark and threatening to pour down heavy. I've finally dragged myself out of bed, pushing the pull of the valium into the deep recesses of my consciousness, showered, went and got some food and downloaded some documents.

Mandy asked: It's a long time coming before you are six feet under - how many more times do you want to do this to yourself? I do not have an answer. It maybe wrong to say I did not choose this, but we all know there is always the choice. And perhaps, I once again made the wrong one.

I am pushing myself forward. There are many things I want to complete before today is over. None of them were anywhere near my mind at 2 am this morning. But nonetheless, we soldier on. Simply because we are people who do not do things half-baked, nor half-way. And if we have decided to do something, we give it our very best - because that's who we are. We can go down in history for the many things that we have done wrong. But I would also like that we go down in history for the few things we have done better than no one else.

And I am looking at the piece I have just written - a concept brief, and I am sitting here, knowing that I have captured everything that has been said in the last 2 weeks, give it a structure and give it sense. It is an immense undescribable sense of accomplishment, more so in this instance. And I know deep down in my bones that this is MY talent - this is why employers in the past have hired me, and people in the future would want to work with me.

I wrote one Sunday morning not too far back that far from here, is a Barbsie waiting for her life to begin. I had a choice this morning, and I still have a choice now. To believe in this 50 or to cast my lot with the other 50. I have yet to decide. But more importantly, I have decided I do not have to decide.

As it was said in Elizabethtown - it is the journey that is important, not the destination.