Free at 1

It's almost half past one in the morning and I'm sitting at the cyber-cafe outside of my apartment after downing a strawberry milkshake, apple pie and oh, only about 9 pieces of chicken nuggets.

Day 2 of Sit-around-and-do-nothing has come to an end and Days 3 to 5 is gonna fly by as Lydia and Luke are coming back. Not that I have a lot planned for them, save for the house cleaning (cos Lydia is quite the cleaning elf ~ if only she tells me when she's done it and where she's hidden the cleaning cloth!)

~ ** ~

I've been getting bits of gossips fed back to me from the former place of BJJ. And because I am still the victim of a poorly managed and staffed IT department, I get to read about it as well. It comes as no surprise that Italian dude is taking a lot of pains in erasing all traces of me ever being there. It comes as no surprise that my boys and girls have become victims of irrational thought and a severe lack of sex - on his part.

I am trying to hold on to the wise words of one of my former colleagues - I have to remove the commitment cos I have broken the bond. The relationship no longer exists in its former state, and that I have to accept and move on.

I shall try...

~ ** ~

I've been doing some reading. Finished a book already and on to my 2nd. Like GarlicBoy said - I'd probably finish my current stock before I start my new job. Pace - I keep telling myself. If only it'd stick in my thick head!

My latest enjoyment is called "My Horizontal Life" by Chelsea Handler. Had wanted to get her new book - Are you there Vodka? It's me Chelsea. But then, it's still in hardcover and comes close to a hundred bucks. As much as Monday says the book cover is literally screaming out at us ~ I'm gonna wait and lay it on him as part of my 2nd bet winnings *grin*

Coming back to the book, it's not all that brazen and in-your-face as I thought it would be. As all books I read does to me, this one has me wondering if there is any joy at all in notching up the scores. Gotta remember to ask WhiteBoy this the next time I see him, considering he's the only person I know who stands outside a club at closing time asking, "Would you like breakfast in the morning?"

I am currently reading tho a mystery semi-spiritual thriller. Not normally a book I would pick up, but well I reckon if 2 people are gonna share the spoils of one book purchase, I've gotta pick something in favour of the other person at some point in time. "The Malice Box" so far has been engaging and I am trying very hard not to let it's concept of "souls entertwining" get to my head.

~ ** ~

I had dinner with GarlicBoy and Peps last night, and with JL earlier. Very sedate outings on both occassions. Yes I am surprising even myself. I would have thought that I would have carried on the 'partying like a rockstar' gambit for a few more days this week before shutting it down. Oh well... I guess it's all good.. in a way... IF I can get my itchy feet to stop whining!

~ ** ~

All in all... There's something to be said about being "in-between jobs". It's a sense of being "lost". Yes - you heard me. But then again, maybe it happens only to me - I have not had the opportunity to talk to my friends about it (of course nobody else but me has to the time to talk the last few days).

I feel like I'm floundering. Like a big chunk of me has been ripped out. I know I am suppose to take this time to recaliberate and relax before I go into the unknown. But - this is not ME. This is not how I'm built.

Work should not be an anchor. But look at me and tell me, apart from work - what else have I got? And so, instead of respite, I face frustrations. Which explains the nuggets, milkshake, apple pie at 1 in the morning.

Life, should not be like this - a pile of books by the bedstand, a loaded astray on the coffee table, MacDs at 1 and a blog written at a cybercafe.

I don't wanna be free anymore. It no longer makes any sense.