Said Quietly

I have officially been awake for coming close to 24 hours. Crawled to work at 6 yesterday morning with only 2 hours of sleep and I am still wide awake now, almost 2 in the morning.

My mum was right – when she said I have been alone for too long. But she’s right in a way that I don’t think she knows, realizes. Being alone, has taught me to recognize things in an acute manner that I never did before. Maybe it’s because I am finally comfortable with myself, that I am more aware of my surroundings.

What I recognize tonight is this – there are some people that I clicked with instantly and in a level that went way beyond that which most people try achieving. Bear, Mandy, Pups are these people. They are the people that I know who would catch me when I fall off a chair, or at least laugh with me about it. Trust was built in a moment and has lasted. But this thingy with Monday – it’s different and I am slowly beginning to appreciate it for what it is.

Maybe I have always jumped into things, and sometimes it leaves me with battle scars without really knowing why and breaking flower pots that don't belong to me. Or else it leaves me with a bitter after-taste for my condo complex.

It’s not a rat race against time – time is nothing but a perspective that one holds. Bear told me once that you can know a person as well in an hour of play, as in a lifetime. It all depends on your concept of quality and quantity.

I have known Monday for 3 months now, and while it isn’t life changing, I would have to say that Monday has been a breath of fresh air. Last week this time, I was ecstatic ~ could hardly contain myself. Tonight, it’s a quiet calm and Monday became somebody that I sit and talk with, not to. Something’s to be said to the barrier of a name. Feels as though something’s different – in a calmer, quieter note.

All that pent up anger and disgust over the last few days have dissipated. Being the dark and twisted soul that I am, I am wondering where they have all gone to. Did I have an epiphany when I felt that it would all disappear when I tell Monday about it? And if it’s possible that this one person could blow them away and make them seem insignificant, with his questions, not answers or opinions?

And so as the clock turns the hour to 2 am… as I get ready to pack up and head to bed… as Monday drives home with a fever that’s fast burning up… I recognise the following:

1. I don’t always have to drive fast.
2. I don’t always have to have a black-and-white moment of answers.
3. If I have to work hard at making work work out, then I have to apply the same principles to life as well.

What I deem as effort on my part is merely my own interpretation of it. I think if you ask Monday, between his first hot meal in a week (and he’s a hot meal freak) and knowing something about me that he didn’t know before (like how I envision my kids turning out), he’d place the latter as my effort.

I don't have to tell ya this - I think you'd figured it out by now for yourself - the week's gonna fly by and before I know it - It's gonna be Monday yet again. And it's nice to know that no matter how my week turns out, Monday will come round again in 6 days. While it may use to rattle my nerves that it's 6 days away - tonight, it doesn't.

It's nothing but time. And what is time when mere hours make the days in between disappear.