In Flames

Just had dinner with Mandy and another friend. I am beginning to seriously think that for some strange reason, God intends to make the mark of the town of Ipoh in my life, some way, somehow ~ everywhere I go, I am surrounded by Ipoh boys! Anyways, it was the collective thought over dinner that my life was full of excitement, colourful even. And all we spoke about were children and religion.

My life is not full of excitement - did you stop for a moment to think that maybe instead, I am an entertaining recounter of tales and experiences? My life is not colourful - if it were, I wouldn't be sitting here writing a blog post and not out somewhere. I know, being out all the time doesn't an event maketh nor excitement incite. But truth be told, being anywhere other than in my lil pigeon hole (on any other day except that one day of the week) is better.

We were one in words
You finished my sentence

Where am I going with all this? Bear with me - there is a whole point to this diversion in my journey home tonight. My head is, has been, overflowing with maggots and it's gotta go somewhere. And while I think I have done everything within my own personal capacity to prevent reaching this point, I have very obviously failed disastrously.

I can never attract tomorrow
It pushes me aside

Had a chat with my Bear online today. Told him that Mondays have got to come to an end soon. For the simple reason that if it didn't, I would likely end up throwing myself over the balcony at some point in the very near future. Bear thinks I should just sit tight and enjoy the ride cos he (and for that matter, most of my friends) think Mondays are good for me - that at least I have one day in the week that I am happy.

I sink in waters deep
Your presence kept me floating
Far from depths where secrets lie

But here's the thing - one day in the week is no longer sufficient. I find it ridiculous to accumulate the whole week's happenings and recount like at one go, as if it is some weekly report both ways. It is ridiculous that someone who can make me smile more radiantly than anyone else has been able to do in a long time, is not the same someone I pick up the phone to call when something good or bad happens to me.

Maybe in another lifetime
I could be the first you meet

There is NO forward to move on to. Come on - who are we kidding here? Game rules are set up for a reason, and that is to ensure that the players know what is a right move, and what is a wrong move. And you don't change the rules mid-way thru the game. Sure, rules change - petrol prices go up. But this ain't a bloody economic game. I can't draw boxes and work out the theories accordingly, even though one of us is a bloody economist.

I once read a poem
Held my breath
But that moment's gone

Life may not be complicated and it is very true that it is WE who make it complicated. But then again, you don't have a life like mine and this is NOT the movie The Holiday. If Pups couldn't do it then... if you Bear couldn't do it yourself as well... why should I even hope that Monday can?

First time I felt life somewhat hurts
I need an option, a reason and some hope

Bear thinks I'm always such an extremist in actions. And yes, I know what I am risking ~ been there, done that, sat and watched that face with the thought "Can I live without seeing this face, hearing this voice and seeing this smile?" week after week. And it is precisely because each week, the answer is a resounding "NO" that Mondays must come to an end.

Yell at me
I want to be your light that shines
But my ground is shaking and I might fall

But not right now... give me just one more week... just one more month... Give my head just a bit more time to get use to the idea (God help me figure out how I am gonna do that one!)... Lemme make one great proper dinner to celebrate his birthday just this once... Then I'll do it.

I wish that I could say...

I'd likely throw myself off the balcony in any event cos regardless of what has been said... Bear - I suppose if I am truly honest with myself, the answer to your first question would be YES. But then again, we all know that it's a 4-letter word that exists only in pain.

I wish that I could be your evil in a closet

I am the evil in the closet... And that only happens in Narnia or any other fairytale that you can name.

Evil in my closet
In Flames