On Her Way

A lot of my friends have been telling me that I should not underestimate just how much Lydia understand about the way things are around her. I guess it's not so much that I did not believe them, but rather, I was more concerned that if she did understand her family structure, it would tell me more than I am able to handle right now.

Me and a couple of my closest persons have been very worried and distraught each time she has one of her meltdowns. Her latest told me that it wasn't so much the departure of person(s) in her life that is high on her list - but rather the fact of not having 'one' when all her friends do.

I've been speaking on mail with a colleague who is a retired psychologist with grown children of his own. His wife and him have very kindly been sharing their time with me on comforting emails, filled with gems of their experiences - professional and personal, in a grandparently manner. And their advise was simply this: 

1. It was alright to talk it out. It was NOT alright to sweep it under the carpet.
2. It was alright to not know what to say at times as a parent. It was NOT alright to pretend I knew everything and fib about it just to make the story flow.

So that's what I've been doing. Not pretending that her crying didn't upset me. Not pretending that she was in a normal family structure. Not pretending that her concerns were not real. And it appears to be working.

This weekend, Lydia brought a form home from Sunday School - it's the same form that I've been completing for her the past 3 years since she started. Today, the form was different - the was a 'dash' in the space marked "Father's Details." As she gave it to me with the instructions to fill up the rest, she casually added what she had done, following it with "because he's not coming back."

As simple as that. No fuss. No hysterics. No mama-dramas of any sort.

And yesterday, she asked if her dad and I had "broken up." Caught off-guard with a head full of shampoo, I uttered a miserably soft "yes" with a much louder "Where did you learn that phrase from?!" She decided not to answer me but instead tell me that it was alright - people get over it and meet over people. Ah life according to Hannah Montana, Jonas Brothers and High School Musical. 

Once upon a time, I did not think that my girl and I would reach a point where we could brooch this subject in this slightly non-chalant manner. But we're there.

I guess, the hopes of Gilmore Girls can still be hung on to. After all, as Mandy says - Rory and Lorelai always comes back stronger than before.